Tales From A Bishop's House

We Seek After These Things...

2011-01-18T11:45:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since I blogged but the theme for Mutual this year (the 13th Article of Faith) has gotten our family really thinking about the things we have in our home. We have always been very aware of what comes into our home through media. Heck, I even rip off the covers of my husband's Runners World magazine when it comes with a half-naked woman on it because we wouldn't allow that kind of scanty clothing on anything else and I have puberty raging in my house with two boys. We keep it clean!

We have had Clearplay since our kids were small and recently got TV Guardian since they started production again. Profanity just doesn't happen on TV at our house. On the rare occasion it slips through, you can hear my kids audibly suck in their breath. They are assaulted all day at middle school with profanity, but they know that at home, it's a profanity-free zone.

I was cleaning up DVDs today and realized that we have a LOT of LDS-themed videos and that my Deacon-aged sons willingly choose to watch them over and over. There are a lot of cute, clean, good movies out there that have an LDS theme that your kids and whole family will enjoy. While they usually cost a little more than other movies you could buy, our opinion is that we are investing in our kids by buying them. They will have good choices over the junk that the world usually offers.

Here's the list you'll find at our house. There are lots more - many we have watched but not purchased. Every time we get to a Deseret Book, we usually come out with at least one more for our boys to watch. Our list tends towards action/adventure/mission because of our boys, but there are plenty of others that would appeal to adolescent girls. And, of course, we have many videos produced by the church like Finding Faith in Christ and Legacy that our kids also watch on Sundays.

Return with Honor
Mormons and Mafia
Baptists at our Barbecue
Work and The Glory
American Mormon
Forever Strong
The Best Two Years
Outlaw Trail
The Legend of Johnny Lingo (new version)
Singles Ward series
Money or Mission
Liken The Scriptures Series (they are like a high quality roadshow - so funny)
One Man's Treasure
Church Ball
Scout Camp
The Other Side of Heaven
Junior's Giants series (the kids still love to watch)

Courageous Parenting

2010-10-17T20:39:00.000-07:00

This talk by Larry R. Lawrence at General Conference was one of the best talks on parenting I have ever heard. Much of what he speaks about is already how we parent - right down to disallowing sleep-overs for the very reasons he cited. We have many non-negotiables at our house that we have to enforce with courage because they are often unpopular with our kids. It's not easy and often, it's not pleasant to have to deal with the arguing that ensues when we enforce the rules. We try to explain why things are that way, but adolescents often don't want the explanation, they just want to argue with you about the rule in an effort to wear you down so you'll change it.

Every parent should use this talk as a resource. These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.

Courageous Parenting

2010-10-17T20:38:00.003-07:00

Every parent should use this talk as a resource. These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.

Courageous Parenting

2010-10-17T20:38:00.001-07:00

Every parent should use this talk as a resource. These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.

Courageous Parenting

2010-10-17T20:37:00.000-07:00

Every parent should use this talk as a resource. These are principles that will keep your children safe and help them grow up to be righteous, productive members of society.

We believe in being honest...

2010-10-11T12:39:00.000-07:00

Being frugal is almost an Olympic Sport for some Mormons. I'm one of those. Nothing feels better than not paying full price for something. I will often tell my husband that he should be happy that I'm so cheap and low-maintenance - which he is, because he's just as cheap.

Consequently, I have "Liked" a lot of pages at Facebook and followed a lot of blogs that alert me when products and services are on fantastic sales. I have scored free magazine subscriptions, half-price Christmas gifts, restaurant coupons, etc. at these sites. I have also joined The Grocery Game and make it my goal to try to come out of the store on Monday morning having saved 50% on my groceries. The other day, I bragged on Facebook that I had saved 100% on my trip to Albertsons. Of course, I bought a can of soup that was on sale for a dollar with a coupon from Albertson's good for one dollar off my next visit. The receipt said, "TOTAL SAVINGS: 100%" and I was THRILLED!

The benefit of our cheapness is that we are well on track for our retirement savings and college savings for kids. I always look at families who have lots of fancy toys and expensive clothes and wonder if they have their retirement saved or their kids' college paid for. They are often selling their future for some expensive stuff today. We refuse to do that and are always looking for ways to save. We don't just live WITHIN our means, we live BENEATH our means so we can save money for the future.

That being said, I think there's a fine line between "frugal" and "dishonest". The 13th Article of Faith starts out, "We believe in being honest...." and, one of the Temple Recommend questions ask if you are honest in your dealings. To me, that means we are required to live in total honesty even when it costs us money or time. There is no excuse for being a "little" dishonest to save money.

Last week I saw a frugal blog post discount codes for a company. This company was offering something with a retail value of nearly $30 free for NEW CUSTOMERS. So, the blog owner recommended you use every email address and computer in your house to get as many of these FREE codes as possible. Then, she posted a bunch of half-price codes for the same company and suggested the same for those. Many women were thanking her on the comments section for such GREAT DEALS. I'll admit, as a business owner, this really made me cranky. Those codes all clearly stated "ONE PER HOUSEHOLD" and I know that the free product was meant for NEW CUSTOMERS to try out their company with the hopes they would then come back later and pay full price. How long do you think that company can stay in business if it gives all their products away to people who are "gaming" the system with multiple email addresses? It crosses the line between frugal and dishonest.

A few years ago, I sat in a Relief Society class about being frugal and listened to someone talk about saving money on groceries. She said she loved it when a store was out of a product that was on a fantastic sale and she had to get a rain check. Let's say it was 6 oz. regular Crest Toothpaste that was on sale for a dollar with a normal retail price of $2.49. She said the store would usually just write, "Crest Toothpaste" and "$1 per tube" on the Raincheck. Then, she would wait until the sale was over and go back to the store and get the ultra-whitening super large size Crest toothpaste that might be $4.49 a tube instead of the cheaper, smaller size that had been on sale. She sang the praises of how FRUGAL and smart that was. But, I sat there wondering if anyone else was as uncomfortable as I was about the dishonesty of that. She KNEW which toothpaste it was and should have gotten THAT toothpaste. Actually, that same store now writes very detailed info on their rain checks - probably because they figured out that some were being dishonest when they redeemed them.

So, as I look for good deals to save my family money, I will also consider the honesty of them. I'm all for getting something free or at a steep discount, but if I have to lie or cheat the system to get more than my share, then I'll stop at one and walk away. I would hate to stand before God and have to answer as to why I needed to get two of something that cost $30 when one was all the company was really offering me. I will not sell my integrity for frugality.

LDS.org - New Era Article - Are Mormons Christians?

2010-05-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

I loved this book when it came out several years ago. I recently had a discussion with some people about this very thing. They used the closed cannon of Scripture argument. When I pointed out that the book of Revelations was written BEFORE some of the gospels and therefore discredited those books with the same scripture they were using to dismiss the Book of Mormon, they got strangely quiet.

They also said that it was clear that there were to be no more prophets to the world. How strange to me. My Heavenly Father loves me as much as he did the people in ancient times and, given the state of the world, we need prophets more now than ever. I can't imagine God leaving us to our own devices.

LDS.org - New Era Article - Are Mormons Christians?

The Sacred Grove + Hill Cumorah + Easter Sunday = A Great Spring Break!

2010-03-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

We are headed East for Spring Break and on Easter Sunday, we will watch the first session of conference at a local chapel and then head to the Sacred Grove and Cumorah. I can't think of a better place to be on such a sacred day.

Of course, after starting the week off at the place the Gospel of Jesus Christ was restored, we will end it hanging out in South Bend, IN at Notre Dame. There's something very weird about that...

Help for Haiti

2010-02-02T19:49:00.000-08:00

LDS Humanitarian services is one of the best charities you can send your money to. Not only do they NOT send in boxes full of food and religious tracts as some do, but 100% of your aid donation goes directly to aid. And administrative costs are paid from other sources. Not too many charities can make that claim.

The Example of Parents

2010-01-24T19:47:00.000-08:00

Mark and I have worked with youth in the church for years through the youth programs or Mark being Bishop. One thing we have noticed is that good, faithful, active parents grow good, faithful active youth. The opposite is also true. If you want your kids to grow up and drop out of activity about age 14 (which seems to be the age many kids disappear), then be pretty inactive yourself. They'll follow your example.

The most puzzling of all parental behaviors is the "do as I say, not as I do" parent. These are hard because they will call the Bishop or youth leaders and whine and complain about their kids not wanting to go to seminary or mutual or on missions or anything else. They WANT their kids to do all these things but the kids are turning it all into a big battle.

Sometimes those calls come from the good, active and faithful parents. But, more often than not, those calls come from the parents who are not really modeling the behavior they want from their kids.

If you want your child to go to youth activities, then go to ward activities yourself.
if the Gospel is important, then don't let other things replace it like sports on mutual nights all year or early morning activities that keep them from seminary.
If you want your child to think the temple is important, then attend it.
If you want your child to take seminary seriously and go, then have family scripture study in the home
If you want your child to learn to participate and magnify callings, don't call back and get him/her out of every talk, assignment or calling issued to them because they are "too busy".
If you want your child to think callings are important, magnify or just do your own
If you want the Sabbath to be honored, don't treat it like any other day yourself

So many times, parents who call the youth leaders or the Bishop about their children are not setting the example themselves. They just want someone to "fix" their child. They don't want to have to work at it themselves.

Our Stake President has a pretty strict set of standards for prospective missionaries. They must essentially live like a missionary for 3 months before he will turn in their papers. His rules include; no TV on the Sabbath, no worldly music and 3 months of 100% home or visiting teaching.

At a stake RS meeting last year, he said he was surprised at how many prospective Elders told him it was REALLY HARD to avoid TV in their homes on the Sabbath. My immediate thought was, "Why wouldn't those parents turn off that TV and help their sons prepare for missions?" How sad. He said some young men and women spent all Sunday afternoon in their rooms while their families watched football or movies or other shows. If these parents WANT their son or daughter to serve a mission, then why aren't they supporting them in their preparation?

I can't remember which General Authority said this at a Stake Conference 20+ years ago, but it made a HUGE impression on us. He called this kind of "do as I say, not as I do" attitude, "Sloppy living of the gospel". Parents need to set the example for the behaviors they want from their kids or they will get only what they model - kids who rise to the same level of commitment they do. Sometimes parents blame the kids (and call their leaders for help) when, in fact, they need to think about how the kids learned to be casual about their activity in church.

Last night, on the way home from the temple, Mark and I got talking about some family members who were never very active in the church. Their adult children are not active at all (although they attended on Sunday growing up) and we expect their children's children to never set foot in the church. None have married in the temple and most of their spouses are not members of the church. We talked about how sad it was to essentially have a whole branch of our family tree pruned right our of our eternal family. As we talked about this, we came to the conclusion that if neutral activity is the center point, wherever you fall above or below that, so will your kids. Future generations may even magnify and take a step beyond you in the direction away from the mid-point. It would be rare for someone from a completely inactive family to roar back into full activity. Your parents teach you how important or unimportant the gospel is to your life.

While their friends may have a strong influence on your children, you can too. And, although they may walk away from the church once in a while and you may need some extra support to get them back on track. At the end of the day, neither the Bishop, nor the youth leaders can undo the example you have set for your kids. Something to think about next time you decide to skip a meeting...

Art that Teaches

2010-01-02T17:44:00.000-08:00

When my grandmother passed away about 10 years ago, the only thing I wanted was a piece of artwork which had hung on the wall as you entered her kitchen ever since I could remember. It reminded me of her because it reminded me of being at her house. Recently, I visited the home of a cousin and saw a piece of artwork that had been in HER mother's home for years. Even though I was quite young when I last was in that home, I remembered that painting and where it had been hanging.

Art, like music, can have a big impression on our minds.

If you were to visit our home, over half the artwork on our walls is related to the Gospel. From the poster of the Sacred Grove in our entry to the painting of the temple we were married in to the 9 Be's over the fireplace in the family room. Even upstairs is a poster in the hall that says, "All I Need to Know I Learned in Primary". Right under it is a wooden plaque that says, "I am a child of God".

Even the prints by Danish artist Mad Stage that hang over our fireplace in the living room are special to us because my husband served his mission in Denmark.

Most of them mean very little to visitors in our home. Occasionally, someone will ask about the temple painting or read the "Home Rules" by the front door or look at the photos adorning the mat around the large framed "Proclamation on the Family". But most people just see it as artwork.

We hope that our kids will remember these things in our home and that they reinforce the gospel-centric nature of it and that when they leave home someday, they will desire to either take some of our artwork with them or get their own.

Recently, we redecorated the bonus room and turned it from a playroom to a "Man Cave" for our adolescent boys. It's a place for them to go hang-out with their friends. The colors of the room are kind of a bright khaki green and chocolate brown. In trying to decide what to put on the walls, we came across these VERY COOL "Real Hero" posters. We ordered 6 of the large posters and today I framed them (thanks to Michaels for having their frames 40% off this week!) and put them upstairs. While I was carrying them up, the non-LDS boy from across the street kept saying, "Who's that?" Every time I came up with one, the boys told him the story. They had a discussion about David and Goliath and Daniel and the Lions. When I brought up the framed poster of Ammon, my boys filled the non-LDS boy in on ALL the gory details to which he responded, "COOL!!!"

Both of my boys want me to order more so they can put some up in their own rooms. How can I say, "No"?

There are many worthy works of art to adorn the walls of our home. When I was growing up, there was very little in the way of LDS-themed art although there were many wonderful LDS artists. I'm so happy that we can now easily and inexpensively cover the walls of our home with pictures that remind our children of the gospel and give them opportunities to share the gospel with their friends.

I hope in the future, they will desire to take some of these paintings and pictures to their own home and that our grandchildren will have the same fondness and recollection of the things hanging on the walls in our home.

Hair Cut Hassles

2009-07-30T11:06:00.000-07:00

My oldest is almost 12 and soon he'll get the Priesthood. One thing Mark and I decided a long time ago was that the "missionary haircut" would be one of the hills we were going to pick to die on. Parents of girls have to deal with modesty issues and parents of boys often have to fight hair length. What's weird is that I constantly point out to my kids that long hair is the MINORITY. Most boys have a decently short hair-cut. But, they see it the other way - as if EVERYONE but them has shaggy hair hanging in their eyes.

So, every time we say, "time for a haircut!", we get a mini-revolt now. It's not that we make them get a buzz cut - it just must be off their collars and over their ears without any funkiness (like a Mohawk).

We came up with a plan to let our boys exercise their "agency". Notice I didn't say, "Free agency" but it's never free - there's always a trade-off. Well, here's the trade-off. I told them that they could have longer hair, but if they choose to let their hair grow, they will not play computer games, their handhelds or the Wii as long as their hair exceeds parental guidelines. It was their choice. Did they want the long hair bad enough to give up all their games?

Of course they both immediately cried foul on that one. But, I reminded them that I was giving them an option to choose. I wasn't going to say, "no long hair" and impose that on them, but I was going to make it a hard choice for them.

So far, the hair is short...

Al Gore vs. God

2009-06-22T16:58:00.000-07:00

I'll admit it, I'm totally annoyed by environmentalism. Especially annoying to me is the extreme kind that tells me I can't use a plastic bag or drive to the store in my own car or fly anywhere without "paying for my sin" to some environmental taxation scam company. I have a joke that I'll be the last mini-van on the road with the last plastic bags in existence in the back of it. Tell me I can't do something and I'll do it MORE just to prove I can! I will "save the planet" only when it saves me time and money. If something is cheaper and easier AND saves me money (and just HAPPENS to be environmentally sound at the same time by total accident), I will do it. But I won't drive a more expensive car or use expensive light bulbs I have to clean up with a Hazmat suit on if they break or carry a pile of canvas bags into the store.

I believe that while we have a responsibility to be a good steward over this beautiful earth, that we were also meant to use the resources God put here for man. If "climate change" was going to happen, it would have happened in the industrial age when factories and homes spewed forth such thick black smoke that it created the famed "London Fog" and choked the air in most industrial areas of the U.S. Our air is so much cleaner now, yet, we are constantly warned that we will all draw our last breath of air any day now if we don't stop doing what we're doing. The fact of the matter is that "Panic Pays" and Al Gore has built an empire around it.

I was reading in the Doctrine and Covenants the other day and came across an interesting scripture in section 104. Verse 17 says, "For the earth is full, and there is enough and to spare; yea, I prepared all things, and have given unto the children of men to be agents unto themselves".

That seems to me to settle the question of whether or not we are pillaging the planet. Oil fields which were expected to dry up many years ago, are now refilling with oil. Water is replenished each year. That doesn't mean there aren't struggling areas of the world devoid of these natural resources, but, that is, for whatever reason, God's plan for that part of the world. God tells us in that single verse that "there is ENOUGH and to SPARE" to take care of the people of the world. When you read further, we are told that we must impart to the poor - which most of us do.

I don't begrudge those who want to live their lives according to the gospel of Al Gore - but I DO begrudge those who tell me I HAVE to live that way, also. And I REALLY resent those who tell me that I have to live a certain way while they don't (such as Al Gore). If the earth is changing, it is not solely the responsibility of man. God is in control and we know, as Latter-Day Saints, that the seasons of the earth will change among other things, such as an increase in natural disasters, as we move closer to the Second Coming.

To once again quote the scriptures, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord" (not Al Gore) and I will continue to live my life as a good steward over the earth with the knowledge that my Heavenly Father will provide for our well-being as His beloved children and that HE, not man, controls the destiny of our planet.

L. Tom Perry | For the Strength of the Lord: The Image of the Church | May 01, 2009 | BYU Broadcasting

2009-05-31T14:41:00.001-07:00

L. Tom Perry | For the Strength of the Lord: The Image of the Church | May 01, 2009 | BYU Broadcasting

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Silly Soapy Fun on a Sunday Afternoon

2009-05-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

I woke up from a nap a couple of Sundays ago to find that Mark had gotten the kids going on soap carving. They love to carve things with their scout knives. He told them they had to carve either something for me or something appropriate for Sunday. So, Mark carved Joseph Smith into a bar of Irish Spring. For some reason, I had a hard time putting it in the shower...

CREATE!

2009-04-30T07:26:00.000-07:00

I own a business that is all about creativity! I love this inspirational video based on a talk President Uchtdorf gave at the General Relief Society Broadcast last Fall. CREATE something great this week!

Home and Visiting Teaching

2009-04-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

I need to develop a list - 101 Uses for Visiting Teachers or something like that. Okay, I probably couldn't come up with 101 uses, but there are quite a few.

Visiting teaching is so much more than visiting or receiving a visit once a month. It's, as the LDS.org Relief Society website says, "watchcare" over those we are assigned to.

How many of us think to turn to our visiting teachers FIRST when we need something? Need some babysitting while you go to a doctor appointment? Call your visiting teachers! Do you need to borrow a cup of sugar? Call your visiting teachers! Need a ride to the temple? Call your visiting teachers!

And, as visiting teachers assigned to care for those we visit, we should gladly give the service. If we are unable to ourselves, we should be wiling to help her find someone who CAN help. Maybe you can't babysit at that time but know someone who will be able to. Don't just say, "No, I can't." Say, "let me give you some ideas on who might be able to." It's essentially the same as providing good customer service. Only, the master we are serving is not a retailer, but the Lord. We should have a deep desire to represent Him well.

As the Bishop's house, we sometimes get phone calls from ward members with requests that really could be handled by home and visiting teachers. Most of the time, they didn't even think to call them. We have come to the conclusion that it's because many people either don't know who they are or don't want to "bother" them. Well, you should be no bother to them and they have more stewardship over your care than the Bishop does.

Don't know who your home or visiting teachers are? Ask! Ask the Elders Quorum President or High Priest Group Leader or Relief Society President. Don't see them? Invite them over. Seriously! Catch them at church and say, "We're free tonight. Would you like to come over and do your home teaching?" Mark has done that many times. We often promise them some of his famous chocolate chip cookies if they come. Sometimes the reason people don't come is that they haven't come in SO LONG that they are embarrassed about it now. You can help them get back in the swing of things by inviting them over. If they don't come that month, do it again. You should not be ashamed in asking them to perform their priesthood duty.

I really, truly believe that if members of the church did their home and visiting teaching visits every month and then took it a step farther and truly ministered and watched over those they visited, that people and wards would be transformed into Zion. Love for one another would dramatically increase and gossip and back-biting would dramatically decrease.

Visiting those we are assigned to is really a very simple thing to do. Let's all shoot for 100% this and every month from now on. Then let us learn to truly love and care for those we visit by looking for opportunities to serve them - even if it's not convenient or sometimes even hard.

Temporal Laws, Celestial Laws and Agency

2009-04-12T21:00:00.000-07:00

I was reading a message board tonight for LDS women and joined in a discussion about tithing. Someone had asked about their 3 year old paying tithing on a birthday gift of money. I suggested that she definitely use this as a opportunity to plant the seeds of obedience and faith in the child by having him help her fill out the slip, put the money in the envelope and hand it to the Bishop. Then, have a Family Home Evening on the Law of Tithing to reinforce the point and help them understand why we pay tithing.

I was sort of surprised at some of the responses that followed. Some said you didn't have to pay tithing on gifts, just on money you earned. Honestly, I've never seen that exception anywhere. It simply says, "Ten percent of your increase." For a 3 year old, a birthday gift of money is probably "increase" since he didn't have it yesterday.

But several said that she shouldn't just do it but instead sit down and explain what tithing is to the 3 year old and ask him if he WANTED to pay his tithing and therefore give him his agency to decide.

What do you think a 3 year old with a five dollar bill in his hand will say when you tell him you are going to take some of it? The answer will be "No". He'll say the same thing at 4 and at 5 and at 6 and at 7, 8, 9, 10, etc. What would YOU say if someone sat you down and said, "You don't HAVE to pay tithing, it's your choice. But, would you like to give away $10,000 this year on your $100,000 income?"

Now, of COURSE we all have our agency to pay tithing or not. But tithing is a Law of God. So, if we chose to NOT pay our tithing, it's not as simple as using our agency, we are literally disobeying our Father in Heaven. It's not a correct use of our agency to be disobedient.

So, what if this same mother sat her child down at 5 and said, "It's not mandatory that you go to Kindergarten, so I'm going to give you your agency to choose. Do you want to go to school or stay home and watch Power Rangers all day?" Or at 16, "Yes, that's a one-way street, but you have your agency to CHOOSE whether or not you are going to obey that law. If you think it's convenient to go the wrong way to get where you need to be, then go ahead and drive the wrong way on it."

We would never have an agency discussion with our kids on the laws of the land, yet, it seems that many are quick to pull out that "agency clause" when it comes to the Laws of God.

Yes, my kids have their agency. And they use it. But, they also know that we EXPECT them to follow the laws of God as much as we EXPECT them to follow the Laws of the Land.

We EXPECT them, as baptized members of the church, to fast on the first Sunday of the month. If they chose not to, which they do on a regular basis, they must feed themselves. They will often go into another room to eat because they KNOW they are being disobedient. We EXPECT them to go on a mission. We don't EVER say, "If you CHOOSE to go on a mission." Instead, we say, "WHEN you go on your mission." We never phrase it as if they COULD choose because in choosing, they aren't choosing what's "right" for them, they are choosing to be disobedient. At 19 can they CHOOSE to not go? Of course they can, but we aren't going to encourage that thought at their young age. They'll have to come to that on their own based on the choices they make in their teenage years. It is a commandment that every young man serve a mission. There are no "my situation is different" clauses for a healthy 19-year-old young man.

So, the idea of letting a child CHOOSE to pay tithing is as odd to me as letting a child choose whether or not they can steal a candy bar from a store. Can they choose to NOT pay it at some future date? Yes, they can. But as long as I have the opportunity to plant the seed in them that tithing is a law and we just pay it, no matter what, I will take that opportunity. I would not want to build into my children's minds that the Laws of God always have an "opt-out" clause. There is no "opting-out", there is only disobedience.

Have a wonderful Easter

2009-04-10T20:43:00.000-07:00

And may we be eternally grateful for that which He did so willingly for us.

Stepping it up

2009-04-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

Mark taught the combined Priesthood/Relief Society lesson a few weeks ago and as I sat there watching him, I was thinking about how much time he spends on his calling as Bishop each week. Then, I started to think about how much time the rest of us spend doing "church things" each week. That can mean service, visiting and home teaching, preparing lessons, etc. I'm not talking about showing up to something, I'm talking about "put your shoulder to the wheel" kind of church work. Honestly, as I was thinking about myself, I was pretty ashamed at how little it really was relative to the hours in a week.

Church lasts 3 hours each week. Of those three hours, how many are we engaged in service as in a calling and how many are we just participating in a class? Once you get past Sunday (or even past those three hours), how many hours do we REALLY spend in Christ-like service or on our callings? One hour? Two hours?

As I sat there watching my husband who probably gives 20 hours a week outside of Sunday (which is about 8 hours of work many weeks), I realized that the City of Enoch didn't get translated because the church leadership was doing a lot of work. The City of Enoch got translated because the PEOPLE were working hard as a whole body.

What if we gave just one more hour each week to the Lord? What if we reached out to people we aren't already assigned to visit? What if we looked for ways to help and lift others?

We are ALL busy. Mark is busy - he works 45 hours a week and has a 90 minute daily commute, 2 kids and a wife. Honestly, he has very little leisure time and few hobbies beyond reading. His calling literally consumes his free time. He spent 2 hours on the phone last Monday night and then had to make a trip to the church. We crammed FHE around it all and he finally dropped into bed at 11pm. Yet, he does it - without complaint.

I am going to challenge myself to step it up and reach out to serve more. Really, there's no excuse for not doing that. We have been told to "love one another" and love is a verb. There are so many hours in our week that are pretty much just wasted. How much better would every ward in the church be if we turned off our TV's, computers and video games and set aside our magazines and iPods and spent time doing true Christ-like service in our wards and communities?

Self-Reliance

2009-03-20T07:26:00.000-07:00

Mark and I went to a wonderful training last night on the Church Welfare System. The central point was that everything we do in the church with regards to temporal support should be with the aim of helping those members learn self-reliance. I think that's a principle that gets lost because the government welfare system doesn't do that at all.

On the way home, we determined that there are really three groups of people in the church who might need or want assistance:

Those who are normally self-reliant but have a very temporary issue they need help dealing with such as a job loss or illness
Those who have chronic needs due to their lack of knowledge or application of self-reliance skills - they need to be taught those principles in addition to receiving short-term financial help. They simply lack the skills they need to get out of their situation but have a desire to do so.
Those who simply have learned to be consumers of the world and have no interest in learning to "fish", they just want to eat.

There were several talks shown on a DVD at this training - Elder Hales spoke on self-reliance. I loved several things he said:

"Only when we are self-reliant can we truly emulate the Savior in serving and blessing others." This is so true - people who aren't taking care of themselves have a hard time serving others through visiting teaching or callings in the church. We can't be Christ-like when we are relying on others for our needs - physical or spiritual. He also said that "our ability to serve is increased or diminished by the level of our self-reliance."

He quoted President Marion G. Romney who said in 1982: "Food for the hungry cannot come from empty shelves. Money to assist the needy cannot come from an empty purse. Support and understanding cannot come from the emotionally starved. Teaching cannot come from the unlearned. And most important of all, spiritual guidance cannot come from the spiritually weak."

Members of the church need to do all they can to be self-reliant which Elder Hales defines as, "taking responsibility for our own spiritual and temporal welfare". He also says part of self-reliance is also being able to care for those whom Heavenly Father has entrusted to our care. I would define that as our families (both immediate and extended) as well as those we are called to serve through Visiting and Home teaching and other callings. If we aren't prepared and can't take care of ourselves, then how can we ever take care of others. It's a bit like the emergency instructions you receive on an airplane prior to take-off. They tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting others.

This topic has been on our minds in our home even before we went to this meeting last night. First, because there are some challenges in our lives right now that are lightened greatly by the fact that we can say that we are self-reliant in nearly every way. We stay out of debt. We purchase extra food for storage. We save money. We rely on and show gratitude to the Lord. It's true that when you are prepared, there is very little to fear.

We have also been thinking about this because we have a child who is not very self-reliant. He is more apt to cast blame for his own poor actions and create a spirit of contention and frustration in our home while he does everything to avoid taking responsibility for his failings. We look at him at his age now and then think forward 25 years and we see an adult who isn't self-reliant and is unhappy but fails to see who's really at fault. So, we are working hard to help him change his ways. That has included some pretty harsh lessons recently, but we have had to make some serious impressions on him that HE has the power to change his situation. No one is inflicting his problems on him, he is bringing them on himself by making poor choices and he alone has the power to make his situation better.

We hope that at the end and through the tough love parenting, that we raise a young man who has the strength to work out his own problems and understand that what happens to him in life is a direct result of his own current or past choices.

I hope some of the talks we heard last night will make it into lessons and other magazines. They were very good and had some excellent reminders and points about taking care of ourselves and those around us who are unable to care for themselves. But, it also made the point that the goal of every member of the church should be to take responsibility for all aspects of their lives so that they might enjoy the peace and happiness that comes with such a choice.

I love this You Tube Channel

2009-03-12T12:11:00.000-07:00

Deep Thoughts about Bishoprics

2009-02-17T20:01:00.000-08:00

A friend said this to me about his LARGE family of 9. It made perfect sense to me for Bishops, too. Seriously, they want to do everything 5 minutes after you make the request, but sometimes, the phone call will take 3 days to get returned or the calling will take 3 weeks to get issued. That's just how it goes for most Bishops and their counselors.

There is so much to do and so little time to do it and still have a balanced life and not run faster than they have strength. At times, Mark is overwhelmed by everything he is SUPPOSED to be doing. It seems completely impossible but he does the best he can.

A Thought For Visiting Teaching

2009-02-11T12:22:00.001-08:00

We are having our Visiting Teaching Conference next week and the theme is "Angels". I found this quote that I just love. It's truly the spirit of visiting teaching. We must embrace our partners and those that we visit in order to "fly".

Virtue and her sister, Modesty

2009-02-08T16:13:00.000-08:00

As the mother of sons, I am concerned about virtue and modesty as much as a mother of daughters. My sons will date girls some day and I want them to choose girls that are much more than what they look like on the outside.

We half-jokingly tell our boys (they are still pretty young) that teen-age girls who feel that manicures and fancy hair-cuts are necessities of life are going to have a hard time being happy if you can't supply those things to them - especially while in college when you SHOULD be driving the $600 car and sitting on a couch from DI. High-maintenance girls make high-maintenance wives most of the time and that usually causes stress to their husbands as they try to keep up with wants that have seemingly been mistaken for absolute needs.

But, the modesty and virtue thing is so very important to the young men and young women of the church. Young women should respect their bodies enough to cover them appropriately and they should consider that it's hard for a young man to feel the Spirit when they are visually assaulted at church by tight fitting, short or low-cut dresses. Not that young women need to come to church dressed like Amish girls, but, they should consider how they would dress in front of the Savior if He were there that day. These young men hold the Priesthood - which is authority from our Heavenly Father. Should we not treat them with the same respect?

I have watched American Idol the last few weeks and "Bikini Girl" baffles me. Why would a young woman overtly use her body for gain in the way that girl did? In my opinion, she lacks self-respect.

Lately, there has been an explosion of bikini hut coffee places in our area. Some of them are even pushing the limits farther to the edge and wearing nothing but bikini bottoms and pasties. What would make a young woman want to work in a place where her body was the draw? Interestingly, a problem that has arisen is that a number of male flashers have been driving through these bikini huts. And, even more surprising is the outrage by the public and these baristsas that men are doing this. What's the girl in the window doing? She's flashing her body parts to please someone isn't she? How is that much different?

The Strength of Youth pamphlet is very clear about modesty and clothing standards:

Servants of God have always counseled his children to dress modestly to show respect for him and for themselves. Because the way you dress sends messages about yourself to others and often influences the way you and others act, you should dress in such a way as to bring out the best in yourself and those around you. However, if you wear an immodest bathing suit because it's "the style," it sends a message that you are using your body to get attention and approval, and that modesty is not important.

Immodest clothing includes short shorts, tight pants, and other revealing attire. Young women should refrain from wearing off-the-shoulder, low-cut, or revealing clothes. Young men should similarly maintain modesty in their dress. All should avoid tight fitting or revealing clothes and extremes in clothing and appearance.

As Latter-day Saint youth, you can also show respect for the Lord and yourselves by dressing appropriately for Church meetings and activities, whether on Sunday or during the week. If you are not sure what's appropriate, ask for guidelines from your parents, advisers, and bishop.

My hope is that my boys will seek after girls who know how to dress modestly AS WELL AS stylishly. There is nothing wrong with fashion, unless you lay your standards aside to be a slave to it. I want my boys to seek after girls who have the sure knowledge that they are daughters of our Heavenly Father and therefore, show him gratitude for their bodies by covering them appropriately as a sign of respect.

Enduring to the End

2009-02-05T08:29:00.001-08:00

I love this BLOG ENTRY from Dr. Laura. What a great point of view. When Mark was in the hospital for 6 weeks the summer of 2007, I was never more depressed, scared and exhausted - especially the first 10 days when they didn't know what he had and didn't know if he'd live. The weeks after he got home were similarly taxing on me because it was like having a 200 pound baby in the house. He couldn't do anything or go anywhere without my help and they didn't know if he'd ever walk again. I had severe anxiety over the possibility of having a paraplegic spouse for the rest of my life due to a viral illness. It all seemed so unfair because it wasn't like he had done something stupid to cause his spinal cord injury.

On one occasion, I thought about getting some sleeping pills. On another occasion, I thought about anxiety and depression medication. But, something inside of me said, "You're tough. Tough it out." Prayer also helped as did my faith in the Priesthood blessing that Mark received that promised him very strongly that he would recover completely.

Even now, nearly 18 months later, I still have what could be called Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome over the whole incident. I can hardly think about it without getting anxious and teary-eyed and a little fearful that it will happen again someday. But, a voice inside of me says, "He's fine... get over it"

I have often listened to Dr. Laura tell people that we have gotten to the point in society where we have the notion that we should not have to FEEL anything for more than 30 seconds. We cover our sadness, anxiety, grief, fear and anger with drugs that make us feel nothing at all - including joy and happiness. When we feel nothing, we don't have to deal with anything. Not that depression isn't a real condition. I just think a whole lot of us mistake depression for old fashioned emotions during temporary situations that we need to learn to deal with rather than medicating ourselves against. I think in those instances, prayer and a Priesthood blessing can do more to help us endure than a bottle of pills or a therapist's couch. If we have the faith to try.

There are some great talks on depression at LDS.org. You can see the list HERE.

Super Bowl {free} Sunday

2009-02-01T12:50:00.000-08:00

We aren't watching the Super Bowl today. We are recording it and the kids will get to check the score in the morning before school so they can have "street cred" with all the boys at school who will be talking about who won.

I think the Second Coming will take place on a Super Bowl Sunday. And, I think many members of the church will be caught by surprise, in their football jersey with hot wing sauce dripping from their chins. They'll say, "But hey, we blessed the Seven Layer Taco Dip, doesn't that count for anything?!" And, if He comes before the final score, I imagine that there will be much weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I love our Stake President. He purposely (I think anyway) plans Stake General Priesthood Meeting on Super Bowl Sunday every year. As a former Bishop said to me today, "It's a 'sheep' and 'goats' kind of thing." You should hear the moaning and complaining about it to Mark. Mark's answer is always, "It's your choice - your priesthood duty or the Super Bowl."

At our house, we are recording it and although it will have less excitement next week for our boys, they will still get to watch it. In fact, it will be better because we can buzz through all the boring, "standing around doing nothing" parts that Football games always have too much of.

At least our ward meets at 9am. Nobody had to cut out early for a "family obligation" or try to look at the score on their Blackberry without anyone seeing. If the Second Coming happens today, at least our ward can say, "Hey, we went to church first!"

Murmuring...

2009-01-22T20:55:00.000-08:00

I must admit that after this week, I'm in the murmuring mood. I wish people understood the tremendous toll having a Bishop in the house takes on a family. He misses much of our lives because he's either on the phone or gone to a meeting or visiting someone.

If people truly knew how we have literally sacrificed Mark for this period of time and how it affects our kids and the relationship between Mark and I, they would spend a little less time criticizing, a little more time solving their own problems and a few more hours on their own callings. All of those things would have given us back HOURS of time this week.

I can't wait for a new week. I'm over this one and it's only Thursday night. I shall go repent immediately, but sometimes, I need to wallow for just a minute in my murmurings.

Next time you pick up the phone to dial the Bishop's house, pause and reflect on whether or not he TRULY needs to be involved in whatever you're calling him for. Is there a home teacher, visiting teacher, quorum leader or friend who can help you, instead? I know every Bishop's family in the church would appreciate that little reflection before you dial.

Just One More

2009-01-18T13:07:00.000-08:00

How much better would your life be if you did just one more of something really good? A few weeks ago, our Relief Society President challenged us to go to the Temple just ONE MORE TIME in 2009. Today, our Relief Society teacher challenged us to read just one more scripture each day.

What if everyone in the church took on the "one more" challenge and in addition to one more time to the temple each year or month and one more scripture a day, the did many things just a little more? Amazing things would happen.

Just one more call or visit to those you are assigned for visiting and home teaching
Just one more prayer to your Heavenly Father each day
Just one more moment of gratitude
Just one more act of charity or kindness
Just one more hour working on your lesson
Just one more dollar on your Fast Offerings or charitable donations
Just one more name found on your genealogy (and taken to the temple)
Just one more, "I love you".
Just one more, "I appreciate you"

Sometimes I think we are overwhelmed by all that we have to do in this life. What if we took the "one more" challenge and looked around at the things we do every day and tried to do them just a little better? For some of us, it will double our efforts and for some of us, it will just be a slight increase in all the work we are already doing. But, the collective effort would change the world.

Are YOU Prepared?

2009-01-11T16:05:00.000-08:00

This was a talk given by Victor L. Brown during the recession of 1980. I had a true "light bulb" moment after reading it. I love when he says that this is a "personal preparedness, not church preparedness" issue. The church welfare system should not be the first place we head when we need help. It should be first, ourselves (because WE should be prepared), then, our extended family and then the church. Mark asked me the other night how long we could eat off our food storage. I told him, "Probably 3 months." I mean, I have 30 boxes of Tuna and Chicken Helper and about that many cans of tuna. But, I'll admit, the thought crossed my mind that, "We could always get food orders." Shame on me. It's MY responsibility to prepare. I assume that in this current economic turmoil that the church is once again wondering why members aren't prepared to take care of themselves. How many times do we need to be told?

"You will recall that ancient Israel was kept wandering in the wilderness for forty years before the people were prepared to cross over Jordan and enter the promised land. For over forty years we as a people have been taught the importance of personal and family preparedness. We have been taught that the first responsibility for our welfare rests upon our own shoulders and then upon our families. Only when these resources fail do we have call upon the Church. Yet, in recent months, it has been increasingly evident that there are many who are not prepared.

Within the last twelve months, the distribution of fast offerings and commodities by the bishops has been alarming. At the present rate of demand, the Church resources will be almost expended in a short time. As a matter of fact, some commodities have already been depleted, and this when the evidence is that the recession will be of a short duration. It would appear that in altogether too many cases the teachings about preparedness have been either misunderstood or knowingly rejected. Many of our members appear to feel that when difficulty comes, the Church will come to their aid, even when they could have prepared themselves had their priorities been appropriate.

Some time ago while visiting two stakes, I saw the evidence of the point I am trying to make. Both stakes were in predominantly Latter-day Saint communities. Both were affected seriously by the same severe but temporary disruption of employment. Generally, when I arrive in a new community for stake conference, I drive around the neighborhood or countryside to get a feel for the kind of people who live there. For example: Are their yards well taken care of? Are their homes well cared for? Are there old dilapidated barns and outbuildings, or are the properties neatly maintained and fenced? In other words, how much pride do the people have in themselves and their community?

In the first stake I refer to, I saw well-cared-for homes and yards. It seemed that this was a prosperous, so-called middle-class area. Some would have thought it an affluent area from the number of recreation vehicles in the driveways—boats, campers, and motor homes. As I met with the stake presidency, I commented on the apparent prosperity of the people. However, when reviewing the welfare needs of the people, I was shocked to see the demands made on the fast-offering funds and the bishops’ storehouse.

The stake president informed me that within a week or two of the closing down of the major employer, many families came to their bishops for assistance. They had very limited reserves from which to take care of themselves. He also mentioned there were some faithful members in his stake who from their reserves had taken care of their own needs as well as assisting some of their neighbors.

In the second stake, which was some distance from the first but which was impacted heavily by the same employment problem, I saw few recreation vehicles. As a matter of fact, I saw little evidence of affluence, although the properties were neat and tidy. Here I was surprised to see practically no fast offerings or bishop’s orders being used.

I asked the stake president if his bishops understood and were discharging their responsibilities for the poor and those in need. He indicated that, while some families had needed to seek assistance from their bishops, most of the members recognized their responsibility for their own welfare and were prepared to take care of themselves.

You see, the priorities of the members of these two stakes were very different. Many in the first stake were not prepared and expected the Church to take care of them, while in the second stake the situation was reversed—the majority of the people had prepared to meet their own needs.

In each of these examples, the central problem could probably have been avoided if the members had applied the principles of personal and family preparedness. The principles apply universally to all members of the Church all over the world, notwithstanding the fact that the full welfare services program is not in place in most countries outside the United States and Canada. We recognize there may be legal restrictions in some countries on certain phases of the program. Nevertheless, our people should follow these teachings to the extent the law allows.

I implore you stake leaders to see that the messages of this welfare services meeting get to the bishops, the quorum leaders, and the ward Relief Society presidents so that the members of the Church can be taught and converted sufficiently to live the basic principles of which we speak and thus put their houses in order (see D&C 90:18).

The bishop is responsible to administer to the needs of the poor and needy. He determines who will receive assistance and in what form that assistance will be. His judgment is basic to the wise administration of this program. He determines whether it blesses the people or becomes simply a dole. He also is responsible to see that no one who should properly be helped is overlooked."

READ THE REST OF THE ARTICLE HERE

Acting like Brothers and Sisters

2008-12-18T07:57:00.001-08:00

We usually arrive quite early to church on Sunday. Parking is a premium so we get their early to get a good spot. So, I get to watch 95% of the ward come into the chapel each week. I LOVE the interaction that happens during that time and even during Sacrament meeting.

We are a noisy ward - I know our Stake President is disappointed at the level of noise before Sacrament meeting and even during it. We need to work on speaking softly to each other. But, what I also see is people lovingly greeting one another each week.

Then, when the meeting starts, I see lots of baby passing, smiling, silly faces, children going to sit with "surrogate grandparents" and people sliding forward a bench or two to watch little children when a mother has to take a baby out. It just happens every week and I love it. It shows that ward members truly care for each other.

I am so grateful for the good people in our ward. I believe that through service given to each other, we grow closer together. Our reward for that is love and charity towards one another which increases the likelihood that we will do our visiting and home teaching which then adds an increase of charity and love towards those we serve.

This is what happens...

2008-12-10T08:06:00.000-08:00

When you ask 9 and 11 year old boys to set up the Gingerbread Village for you. Instead of happy gingerbread families, you get Storm Troopers and Lego Warriors battling it out. Peace on Earth...

The Mantle of Leadership

2008-12-06T08:29:00.001-08:00

There was a change in the Bishopric the other day. I chuckled because they released everyone BUT Mark. I leaned forward to the Primary President sitting front of me and whispered, "They forgot a name!"

Then the second counselor became the first counselor and a new second counselor was called.

I don't know this man well and neither does Mark. But he was strongly impressed that he should be called into the Bishopric as his first counselor had served for a long time (from the previous Bishopric) and was needed in another Priesthood leadership position.

It's always amazing to me that "who the Lord calleth, he qualifies". The new counselor is probably 35 and, up until last Sunday, was an Elder. When they had him come to the stand to sit, he looked a bit stunned throughout the rest of the meeting.

But, by the time I went to fetch my kids from the clerk's office after church (they love to bug the ward financial clerk - the father of 5 mostly grown boys himself), there was a completely different demeanor to this man. It's like he had blossomed.

The poor man got thrown right into the middle of tithing settlement. They hardly have time to train him until next week. He showed up to the church with Mark on Thursday night for Tithing Settlement and again, I noticed what a change there was about him. I wonder if his family has felt and noticed it, too?

It's hard to describe what happens when your husband is serving in the Bishopric and especially as Bishop. There's just something different. I whine and complain when Mark has to travel for business or go to something in the evening for business. But, if he's gone for his calling, it's like I can't even THINK of whining or complaining. There's like a weird absence of the desire to do that.

I remember the day Mark was released the first time he served as a Bishop. We came home from church after and there was just this weird void like we'd left something important at church. Neither of us could describe it exactly - it was just very noticeable that something was gone.

I hope the new counselor's family feels the blessings of service that we have. I know it will be a challenge for them. His wife is newly pregnant with their third child and sicker than sick. I was actually surprised she was at church last Sunday when he was called and I felt really bad for her when he left to sit on the stand and there she sat feeling miserable with two little kids.

"Change" Someone's Christmas!

2008-12-01T19:45:00.000-08:00

”I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare…If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us,… they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditures excludes them.”

C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity

Tonight was our Third Annual "Change" Someone's Christmas Family Home Evening activity. We did pretty bad on the change saving this year and only ended up with $67. But, we doubled it AND had a 10% off the total purchase coupon so, add to that some great sales and we got a LOT.

It's amazing how God puts people in your way to help you at times. The coupon at Fred Meyer's LOOKED like it gave you 10% off all toys and sporting goods, but when we went to check out, the guy said there was all sorts of confusing fine print and it didn't apply to sale prices but since nearly everything was on sale, he was rebelling against the system and just giving everyone 10% off anyway. WOW! I thanked him and told him the cart full of toys was all going to charity so his generosity was very kind. If we had gone to any other check-out line, we probably wouldn't have gotten the same treatment.

The best part about this is the impact it has on our boys. They understand that we are not shopping for them so there is no "wishful window shopping" allowed. We're all about "business". They also look for the best sale prices to get the most bang for our buck so they learn about buying on sale to make your dollars go farther. They are also forced to buy GIRL toys but they make sure that they make appropriate purchases - no half-naked Bratz dolls from us!

This year we are adding a new component. We are having an Open House this weekend - it's an open house in the true sense of the word - it will be outside from the garage. We have asked our friends and neighbors to bring toys to share with those in need. We will have a couple of fire pits going with fires and hot cocoa and cookies in our decorated and heated garage. We'll add the toys from that to our own pile and then drop them off early next week for the Christmas House charity.

We had a talk tonight about "spreading the wealth around". We taught our boys that paying more taxes to fund endless social programs will NEVER feel good, go as far or be as useful as what we did tonight - making the choice to share our blessings with those less fortunate. If more people in the world opened their hearts and their change jars, the world would be a better place!

Watch a Movie on BYU TV

2008-11-25T08:44:00.000-08:00

I got a postcard in the mail that The Errand of Angels, a recent movie about Sister missionaries will be shown Thanksgiving weekend on BYU TV. You can tune in on Thanksgiving at 6pm (mountain time) or Friday at 9pm (mountain time). This movie was advertised heavily in Utah this summer but didn't make it here for even a day that I saw. I've been wanting to see it and, around here, I would be surprised if I was able to rent it anywhere. Although, Hollywood Video will often carry the LDS movies but they're pretty inconsistent.

So, set the DVR and enjoy! Hopefully it's just not the female version of The Best Two Years.

I heart Missionaries

2008-11-21T07:09:00.000-08:00

Mark and I went to an open house for our mission. The mission offices are in our building so we didn't have far to go. Leaders from across the whole mission were invited to that event and the hosts and hostesses were the missionaries.

There was a brief presentation and part of it was a group of Elders singing a hymn a capella. As the mother of sons, it brings tears to my eyes to see a group of handsome young elders sing like that - and actually ENJOY IT! They all grinned all the way through.

Between the ages of 19 and 21, there are so many things a young man COULD be doing. Yet, so many young men in our church chose to take those first "adult" years and serve the Lord.

Anyone who faults the LDS church for anything needs to get to know our missionaries. They are amazing young men {and women} . Yes, that can do bone-head things at times but they have such power and strength of spirit when they teach the gospel. They are truly unique in this world. And, they will be so much farther ahead on the maturity scale than other young men {and women} their age when they return home.

My nephew just recently left for his mission in Utah. The first letters home have caused us all to wonder if he was mysteriously replaced with an alien because they don't sound like him. He's doing foreign things like STUDYING {and enjoying it} and saying he LOVES his parents. We think someone is writing his letters FOR HIM. But, we're all thrilled. He's been out only a few weeks and already, the boy is turning into a man! We can't wait to see his growth in 2 years.

Having him out is a great blessing out our family as we get the opportunity to help support him. Our boys get to hear about his mission and that will help them be excited about their own someday.

In some ways, I can't WAIT for my boys to serve, {some days I wish they sent tweens} but I know that I'll be blubbering with the best of them when I watch them walk through the door at the MTC. But for now, we're teaching them that they need to make the decision to serve now and not let anything stand in their way {like girls}.

One thing that has been important in our home is for Mark to share his mission stories, photos and journals with the boys. Mark served in Denmark and when the boys are a little older, we have a plan to take them there. We want them to see where their dad served and get excited about their own mission. We gave my nephew a mission journal before he left and told him to keep a good journal because someday, he'll want to share those important experiences with his own children to encourage them to make the right choice themselves when they are of age to do so.

Now she's packing heat...

2008-11-18T07:05:00.000-08:00

Remember our Harley-ridin' RS Pres? Now she's packing "heat". Yes, she's armed and {not so} dangerous. I'll never miss another Presidency Meeting and I told Mark to make sure to take care of the RS calling requests FIRST. :-)

It's Tithing Settlement time...

2008-11-16T18:54:00.000-08:00

We'll miss him...

Tithing settlement means that we don't see Mark until about mid-December. It really messes with our schedules. We can't plan anything Tues-Thurs nights and Sunday evenings for the next month.

My advice is to sign up as soon as you can. The entire Bishopric including the executive secretary and the ward financial clerk are tied up with this until it's done. There are half a dozen families on hold through a busy and festive time of year. As it was, I made Mark cancel everything on Wednesday night so we can take our family to see The Forgotten Carols here in town.

I'm not complaining, I'm just doing a PSA for Bishops - go early and fill in the holes so their time is used efficiently.

I asked Mark how the church expects Bishops to get everything done that is asked of them and he said, "I think they only call Bishops for 5-6 years because they know they will literally wear them out in that time. You work as hard as you can during that time knowing you'll never get it all done no matter what you do. In the meantime, you age about 10 years just with the trying."

I think the time table is also based on the fact that a woman can be patient for only so long... :-)

Those who protest are ignorant of our history...

2008-11-13T13:22:00.000-08:00

I'm shocked but not surprised at the protests against the passing of Prop 8 that are specifically directed against the LDS church. First of all, Mormons make up only 2% of the total California population. We didn't pass this alone. We are, just as in most things, just very organized. That organization alone has made us a target.

Someone on a TV show said today that the will of the majority being forced on a minority was unconstitutional. She said that the Constitution was there to protect minorities. REALLY? I thought it was "equal protection under the law" and that it was for ALL Americans. And, yes, in a democracy where we get to vote, the minority doesn't often rule. That's as it should be. We have a right as Americans to collectively define American culture. Apparently, marriage between one man and one woman is one of those things we clearly stand together on. That doesn't mean we are bigots, it just means we are preserving traditional values. This wasn't a vote against homosexuals, it was a vote FOR MARRIAGE as it stands today. In my opinion, this isn't a civil rights issue. We HAVE equal rights. I can't marry a woman either. Everyone has the right to marry a person of the opposite sex regardless of race, religion or even orientation. It's equal.

Those that are protesting don't understand that the LDS church was in a similar spot in 1890. We had practiced plural marriage - a form of marriage as old as time itself and still practiced today in many countries. Well, the opinion of the majority of Americans was that it was wrong. So, without even a VOTE on it, the U.S. government imposed their will on a tiny minority of Americans in the form of the Morrill Anti-Bigamy Act. Then that was followed up by the ever popular Edmunds-Tucker Act. Both were specifically formulated laws against the LDS church. How many would tolerate a law specifically AGAINST ANY minority group today? Yet, it happened to us many, many times. They said, "If you want to become a state, you give up the practice of plural marriage." And, guess what we did? We quietly gave up the practice of plural marriage. We didn't stage protests. We didn't shoot out church windows or burn sacred books or call people names. We just complied - and continue to comply (although I often tell my husband I could really use a good wife... :-)

Yet, interestingly, I have heard some (not in our church) say that if you allow marriage between two men or two women, then the next logical step is to legalize PLURAL marriage. If "anything goes" in the definition of marriage, then that makes sense. But, I've heard homosexuals decry that form of marriage as "unnatural" and that they will NEVER support it. Why not? Why not marriage between two first cousins? It's extremely common in most parts of the world yet illegal in all but about 2 states in this country. Again, "no way - that's sick!" What makes THEIR position any more "right" than than the position of those of us supporting traditional marriage or those who want to have more than one wife or those (like a couple in our neighborhood) who fell in love with their first cousin? It's a slippery slope into a bottom-less pit.

Anyway, I expect this fight will come to my state in the very near future. I just wish that those who protest against the LDS church understood our history. We've been where you are and we handled it very differently. The will of the majority in this country is what shapes the country. Sometimes we need to just accept and move on rather than letting our lives be consumed with hatred towards others.

It's Party Time

2008-11-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

Once again it's time for Mark's Holiday party at work. It's always a bit of a dilemma for us because frankly, Mark and I are sort of viewed as the "kill-joys" of the group. The upper management and their spouses always do something during December. Because it's a mix of Christians and Jews, they always go sort of holiday neutral - which is fine. But, it often seems to be tricky for us.

Two years ago they chose to go to a local dinner theater show. It was on a weeknight which was a problem for us since it would be a late night and therefore hard to get a babysitter. But, the other dilemma was that this show was somewhere between PG-13 and R-rated in the humor. So, after really not much discussion between us, Mark told his boss that we wouldn't be attending. It was sort of awkward because the tickets were purchased before anyone was even told where we would be going. But, we just didn't feel good spending the evening watching essentially "bawdy" vaudeville circus acts.

Last year, they chose something different. We went to a very nice restaurant downtown. That was a lovely evening and I have no problem sitting around with people having a glass of wine with dinner. But, some of them drank, and drank, and drank, and drank to the point where it was embarrassing. BECAUSE of the alcohol which we all knew would flow freely, they took us to the restaurant in a "party bus" which was an old transit bus with most of the seats removed for a dance floor and disco lights flashing. The ride down was nice, but the ride back was, well, a little, ummmm, "interesting". Pretty much everyone had at least a buzz and some were just sloppy drunk. We survived, though, and appreciated the night out.

This year, they chose another really upscale restaurant. But the only night they could get reservations was on Sunday. So, once again, we said, "Have fun!" (and we really mean that) and will bow out again.

Of course, there is a lot of "we'll make it up to you" going on. Honestly, while I appreciate that sentiment, we really don't care. We don't need to have an equal share of holiday festivities. I hope they have a great evening.

The challenge is that when you do something like this, you're never really sure if it sort of becomes a "black mark" against you at work. I know that some at work don't "get" where Mark's coming from. He doesn't drink and he will often ask people to not swear in his presence. And, that's not the culture at his place of employment.

But, you hope that you are blessed for standing for your convictions and that your example will have an impact on others. It's not easy to stand up for what you believe at times. Sometimes it's downright uncomfortable. But it's important. I think Latter-Day Saints will be required to stand up and be strong more and more as the days move forward. Look what's happening California and now Utah. Will you be willing to stand up and be counted or will you shrink to the back of the crowd and hang-out with them but be silent about your convictions?

I thought I escaped the drama...

2008-11-07T08:33:00.000-08:00

My mom was one of those women who, in a fit of anger, would yell, "I HOPE YOU HAVE A DAUGHTER JUST LIKE YOU SO YOU CAN SEE WHAT I'VE GONE THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!" (only she used *ahem* "stronger" language than that at times)

So, what did I do? I didn't have any daughters. SO THERE! Mom.

The weird thing is that I don't remember being THAT BAD! Maybe my memory has dimmed with age, but aside from wishing my brother was dead for being his eternal victim for whatever rotten thing he wanted to do to me, I don't remember having a tumultuous relationship with my mother or slamming doors or being over-the-top ridiculous with the theatrics.

But, I still received a portion of THE CURSE as I call it. I have an 11 year old son who is more than making up for any lack of a daughter.

He is the DRAMA KING.

He waffles in between telling all his 5th grad friends that they will LOVE Middle School and sitting at the breakfast table with his head on it crying that, "I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MIDDLE SCHOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATE IT! HATE IT! HAAAAAAATE ITTTTTT!!!!!!"

I assume that some of it is hormones that are starting to kick up. But, most of it is just him. Add to that his extreme lack of organizational skills and his impression that the universe doesn't have a clock by which anyone has to operate and I sometimes wonder if he'll be living with us until he dies.

He's a great kid, but he's really, really stubborn and when things don't go his way, he pops a cork. We just continually try to channel that stubbornness for good and not for drama.

This parenthood stuff is hard. We should warn the others.

No kidding....

2008-11-03T07:51:00.000-08:00

It's amazing to me that society thinks that nothing's true unless there's a study done somewhere. Common sense doesn't seem to be that common anymore.

Consider this news story: LINK. Imagine that, teenage girls watching Desperate Housewives and Sex and the City are MORE LIKELY to do things that cause them to end up pregnant! Shocking... who would have EVER made that connection???!!!! It's a good thing they did a study to point that out to us!

I remember seeing an interview with Sarah Jessica Parker a few years ago when Sex and the City was at the top of it's game. She said she would be out walking around NYC and young girls would come up to her and say, "Ohhh, I LOVE Sex and the City!!!!" She said she always wanted to slap the parents. It was definitely not a show that teen-aged girls should be watching.

How many years have leaders of our church been telling us to be careful about what we let into our homes and careful about what we watch in theaters? Now we have "proof" of what we already know.

What's next? A study on violent video games and violence among young men? Nahhhh.... oh wait, it's been proven but no one wants to listen.

I need an appointment to see the Bishop...

2008-11-02T06:44:00.000-08:00

A friend sent me this - I laughed so hard. I always threaten Mark that I'm going to set up an appointment with his executive secretary so I can see him. I never miss tithing settlement, it's our 15 minute date for the month of December.

On the Sunday before New Year's Day, a new Bishop told the congregation that when he had been made Bishop, he had set a goal of visiting every family in the ward before the year ended.

Apologizing that he had not met this goal, he asked anyone to raise their hand if they had been missed and really needed a visit before the end of the year.

Only one person raised her hand---the Bishop's wife.

Bishop Napoleon Dynamite

2008-10-31T10:43:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I have nothing to say.... except, "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!"

Spreading the Wealth Around

2008-10-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

We have heard a lot about this lately. Frankly, it scares me - Happy Halloween! We spread our own wealth around. As a Latter-Day Saint, we give a minimum of 10% of our pre-tax income to the church. Ten percent is tithing and then there are additional amounts for other offerings. It probably amounts to somewhere between 12 and 15% of our income when all is said and done. But, it's never less than 10%.

My husband is a "community organizer" if that's what you want to call it - he's a Bishop who watches over a ward and devotes quite a bit of his free-time to helping others IN ADDITION to his regular job that he works at about 50 hours a week. He receives no compensation for his Bishop's duties - at least not in the form of money. But, the spiritual rewards are plentiful.

We are spreading our wealth - both spiritual and temporal - around. And, I think we are doing a pretty darn good job of managing it ourselves.

Counter this with those who think the government should be spreading my wealth around.

VP candidate, Joe Biden, has made over $2 million dollars in the last ten years and has reportedly given only $3,600 to charity. His running mate gave only about 1% of his sizeable income to charity from 2000-2004 and interestingly, kicked it up to a whopping 6% only after he decided to run for president. But, one year, he gave only .4% of his income.

Contrast this with the other candidates. John McCain has given anywhere from 18-26% of his annual income to charity over the last few years. Now, according to records I have seen, Sarah Palin isn't winning any points with God - she has donated only about 2% of her income to charity each year. Still, as a flat out dollar amount, she has still donated more than Joe Biden has in the last few years. I'm disappointed, though.

My point is that I, and most Americans, can do more with dollars we choose to donate to charity than government can with money taken from us to be given to others who did not earn it. When I donate money or goods to LDS Humanitarian Services, 100% of my donation goes to help others. The overhead to run the program is paid for by investments.

The Perpetual Education Fund has blessed the lives of countless people throughout the world. They are able to get something they could never dream of - an education - that will better their lives. That is much better than being paid to do nothing.

Even our church welfare system requires accountability. Mark has been counseled to set goals with families receiving assistance and they must be accomplishing those goals in order to keep receiving assistance. This is with the goal of quickly helping them become self-sufficient. It's tough love, but if you aren't working on and meeting the goals, you aren't going to keep getting help. As Mark often says, "These are sacred funds given by members of your ward. They are not to be wasted." Does the government EVER do this? No.

Contributing to charities - good charities with honest goals, not well-salaried leaders - is something every American should be doing. Think of all the good that could be done in the world if everyone gave 10% of their income to a good charity?

C.S. Lewis said in his book, MERE CHRISTIANITY. "I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare…If our charities do not at all pinch or hamper us,… they are too small. There ought to be things we should like to do and cannot do because our charitable expenditures excludes them.”

Use It or Lose It

2008-10-26T07:57:00.000-07:00

I have been going to our local dry pack cannery for years. I am so grateful for all the oatmeal, flour and sugar we have burned through. I have even given cans of it to neighbors when they have called me because they were out of sugar. It's a great way to talk about the church with them because they wonder why you have giant cans or bags of sugar in your house all the time.

For a while, I did tons of dried apples. They are problematic here in the wet northwest because the minute you open them and snack on their dry crunchy goodness, they absorb huge amounts of moisture from the air and the next day, they are like rubber - even with the lid on. They aren't so good all rubbery.

So, you almost have to use the whole can at once to make pies or something else. My plan to put them in oatmeal sort of works - but sometimes they are hard to dig out of the can because they are a wad of rubber.

I wanted to make Apple Butter for Christmas gifts this year. I had to follow up my "Pomegranate Jelly" from two years ago. People at Mark's work are STILL talking about how great it was. It was so easy that it was pathetic. I made it out of pomegranate juice, sugar and pectin. It took all of 5 minutes in a water bath to seal the cute little jars. But, I forget that most of the rest of the world doesn't make ANYTHING home-made like that. It was a huge hit.

So, this year it will be apple-cranberry butter. I decided to try it with the dried apples that I needed to use and have tons of cans of. They worked GREAT! I put them in the crock pot with spices, salt and sugar (just one cup since the juice is sweet) and then spent all day pouring cranberry juice and water over them as they soaked up the liquid. When they started to turn transparent, I ran it all through my Cuisinart with a can of jellied cranberry sauce. YUM! It was thick and spicy and sweet and tart all at the same time.

Ten minutes in a water bath to seal my jars and I am again "Molly Mormon" who makes her own food... sort of...

The question is... what can I do with all the dried carrots I have, too? I doubt anyone would get excited about Carrot butter - ewwwww!

Political Pet Peeves

2008-10-21T07:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm already discussing religion, so I might as well add politics into the mix.

I HATE the political season. I wish you could let someone know that you've already decided and that would magically remove all ads from your TV, stop those HORRENDOUSLY annoying phone calls and stop the door bell from ringing all weekend. I'm a conservative Republican and have never voted any other way and most likely never will. So, although I may not always LIKE the Republican candidate, I will vote for him/her.

We have a heated race for governor going on in our state. It's a rematch from 4 years ago. It came down to the 3 legal recounts and the law said whoever won the last recount wins unless the other side files a lawsuit and drags it through the courts. So our current governor LOST the first 2 recounts and then WON the third one by the slimmest of margins. The challenger decided to graciously NOT drag the state through a court battle and he bowed out. It's lost on most of us how you can lose 2 out of 3 times and be the winner. But in this state, the loser can actually be the winner.

What I TRULY hate about politics is the assumption that I am S*T*U*P*I*D. There is an ad being run by the current governor (a Democrat) wherein an OB/GYN laments that the other candidate voted to allow pharmacists to NOT sell the emergency contraception pill. Then she says, "It's wrong that Dino Rossi forces his opinion and choices on the rest of us." Okay, she is concerned about victims of rape and incest having access to the pill (really, she just wants everyone to have access to it but she's not saying that - it's more dramatic to single out victims). Dino Rossi merely voted to allow pharmacists to CHOOSE to sell the pill or not. He didn't demand that they ALL stop selling it. He just voted, oh, let's call it "PRO-CHOICE" when it comes to selling the pill. How is voting to allow a business owner to CHOOSE forcing anyone to do anything? That doesn't mean that NO pharmacist will sell it. It just means that pharmacists who don't agree with essentially an abortion pill won't be FORCED to sell it. So, how is it that SHE should be forcing her opinions and choices on the rest of us?????

I was so mad that I actually looked for an email address for that doctor. I couldn't find one, but I wanted to tell her that for a doctor, she was mighty dumb to have even SAID what she said. She was treating the public like they were stupid.

I really wish this election was over. Elections drag out too long, are too costly, and at the end of the day, are too stacked full of people who really need to go get a REAL job after a few years of public service. It's sad that the average American can really never run the country. It's become like the House of Lords at times with people feeling like they or their family are owed the right to be in political office. Ted Kennedy has expressed his wishes that his wife or son take over his seat when he passes away. That's what titled men do in England - they pass their political seat down to their heirs in the House of Lords. I thought we had a little war or something over 200 years ago to get away from that??

How many days are left?? I can't wait for this to be over... Be sure to vote, though. I love the letter that the church sends out reminding us of political neutrality and that we should vote for good men and women who will make good moral choices for our country. Everyone gets to choose that person. I'm grateful for a church who doesn't tell me who the RIGHT person is.

A Word of Caution over Words

2008-10-20T06:59:00.000-07:00

Since the "crash" on Wall Street and the "world financial crisis", I keep seeing and getting more and more "stuff" that is attributed to someone in the church somewhere. Often, they seem to be "friend of a friend" stories - always a dead give-away that something's not quite right. The other day in church, it was a talk circulating the internet by Elder Packer given in his home ward. My baloney detector went up because it was A) a talk give during testimony meeting and B) a full-on transcript of a talk. I wondered why he would give a written, prepared talk during testimony meeting. It was very "end of the world". Well, apparently, the talk DID happen but it was "off the cuff". The transcript circulating is someone's notes from the talk and there is a lot of "interpretation" in the notes that wasn't quite the way it was.

Then I ran across this letter. I remember them reading this because I was like, "WOW! People do that?" Well, the internet was in it's infancy back then. I was amazed when President Hinckley died to find out that my friend in Australia found out about it nearly at the same time I did - just minutes after he passed away. And all the church and Utah news sites were crashed with people trying to find out more.

The internet has given us the ability to communicate instantly with one another. And that means the ability to instantly pass on something that we have not taken the time to verify.

This talk has been posted on hundreds of blogs just like this one - usually with some commentary by the blogger that he/she pledges to change their life because of the great calamity that Elder Packer said was coming.

These were comments to his HOME WARD, not the whole church. This is not prophecy. This is a man stating his opinion to his ward in a testimony meeting. I have heard that the church is aware of the fact that this is going all over the place and is not happy, nor is President Packer. But, I have not verified that fact - so again, it's rumor.

It's too bad talks from conference aren't being posted on blogs everywhere. with blogger renewing their desire to "stand a little taller" in their callings and their faith.

The lesson here is to be cautious about hitting FORWARD whenever you receive stuff like this. The notes of this talk, if taken out of context and twisted, could do more harm than good as we are made out to look like a bunch of Kool-Aid drinkers who are waiting for the mother-ship to come pick us up before the world blows up.

I received a similar email a few weeks ago where a regular member of the church claims to have received prophecy about the Wall Street Crash in a vision. It was totally bizarre, but again, it went all over the place as THE TRUTH.

May 13, 2004

To: General Authorities; Area Authority Seventies; Stake, Mission, and
District Presidents; Bishops and Branch Presidents

(To be read in sacrament meeting)

Dear Brothers and Sisters:

Statements Attributed to Church Leaders

From time to time statements are circulated among members which are inaccurately attributed to the leaders of the Church. Many such statements distort current Church teachings and are often based on rumors and innuendos. They are never transmitted officially, but by word of mouth, e-mail, or other informal means.

We encourage members of the Church to never teach or pass on such statements without verifying that they are from approved sources, such as official statements, communications, and publications. Any notes made when General Authorities, Area Authority Seventies, or other general Church officers speak at regional and stake conferences or other meetings should not be distributed without the consent of the speaker. Personal notes are for individual use only.

True spiritual growth is based on studying the scriptures, the teachings of the Brethren, and Church publications.

Sincerely your brethren,
Gordon B. Hinckley
Thomas S. Monson
James E. Faust

EDITED:

Mark just got an email from our Stake President which was from our regional rep specifically regarding the email about Elder Packer's talk. It quoted the letter above. Interesting....

Thirty Hours a Week!

2008-10-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

Recently, a survey was done among Bishops in Utah. They said that on average, they spend about 30 hours a week doing Bishoply duties. While that seemed a bit high to Bishops in our stake, it still amounts to about another part-time job for most of them. Mark works about 55 hours a week so even adding another 20-25 for being Bishop leaves him with precious little time for anything else.

Interestingly, the leaders of the church said that that time was being spent on things that weren't that important for the Bishops to be doing - such as administrative duties like issuing callings and taking care of issues that home and visiting teachers could be taking care of or Quorums and Relief Society Presidencies should be doing.

The long and short of the meeting was that a Bishop should be taking care of personal issues for members that only be taken care of with him, working with the youth, and missionary work. They said that if Bishops especially concentrated on the missionary work (which is really what working closely with the youth is also), then the church would grow and the members would be happy.

It was a real eye-opener for most Bishops who are drowning in the administrivia of their wards and barely have time to do anything else. All those things are supposed to be delegated. that means that other leaders in the wards need to "Stand a little taller" and spend a little more time on their own callings.

It's interesting that we (and I'm included here) have been trained so incorrectly as to the role of our Bishops. We (and again, I'm including myself here) tend to think that the Bishop is more "botherable" than anyone else in the ward. It's somehow become more acceptable to call the Bishop for a phone number for someone in the ward, than it is to "bother" our visiting teachers or RS secretary (who probably has more numbers than the Bishop does).

One of the lessons I take with me from Mark's calling is that the Bishop is really busy and that I should try to solve my problem myself before I call his house. I'm not saying this is a problem for us - because it really isn't most of the time. But if you look at the collective Bishops of the church, it really can be a problem at times. Members will often head "straight for the top" when they have issues with their callings, need help moving, need a blessing, have a concern about something in their auxiliary, need an appointment with him (his executive secretary has his schedule), need to find a new apartment, etc.

It's service that Bishop's gladly give - I've never ONCE heard a complaint from my Bishop. But, it would be nice if we could all make their lives a little easier by following the house of order that God has set up for us and looking for answers to the simple questions in other places first. A lesson learned...

Drive-By Visiting Teaching Interviews

2008-10-14T09:58:00.000-07:00

We are holding our Visiting Teaching interviews this coming weekend. We know everyone is busy and so is our presidency - half of us work full-time. So, we are going to get the job done!

We are making it super easy - the sisters will sign up for a time between 9 and 11 am. They will literally just drive into the church parking lot and one of the presidency members will hop in the car with them and do the interview. The sisters will get a muffin and some juice and HOPEFULLY a fun thing to hang off their rear view mirrors to remind them to do their visiting teaching and then we'll send them on their way.

We're telling them to "come as you are"! If they want to come in their jammies on a Saturday morning, they can.

The only thing that would make it more fun is if we had a literal drive-up window at the church, but, we can't have them driving into the bushes! I don't think the Bishop would appreciate that.

No Sleepover Zone

2008-10-13T05:44:00.000-07:00

Call us crazy - plenty of others have - but our family lives in the NO SLEEPOVER zone. We made this decision long before our kids entered the sleepover years. Luckily, most of our friends and our kids' friends parents are fine with it. A few will give us weird looks while others will blurt out, "REALLY!?!?!?" when we say our kids aren't allowed to do sleepovers.

We are an equal opportunity NO SLEEPOVER zone - we neither have them nor allow our kids to attend them. Not having them is partly because I simply don't want to deal with them and part of it is because we feel like we want to be consistent with the rule. It's like taking a donated organ but not believing in donating them. You can't have it both ways.

Why do we do this? Well, there are several reasons.

The unknown - you just never know who's at someone else's house. Older siblings, visiting relatives, other kids sleeping over - you don't always know them well. I have too many friends who were either molested at sleep overs or experimented with sex and/or drugs during sleepovers.
No need - what's the big deal about SLEEPING at someone's house? All I ever did was stay awake all night with anxiety. N already has some anxiety in his life - I think he would probably have night-time crying issues and other people don't need to deal with that
The unknown: Part 2 - Mark had plenty of times where he and his friend left the house after the friend's parents went to bed. And, mischief followed them into the night. I can't be sure a parent will keep my kid IN the house. We have plenty of junk done in our neighborhood by kids in the middle of the night where I think to myself, "WHERE ARE THEIR PARENTS?!" - probably home in their Sleep Number bed sawing logs.

So, what's our solution? LATE OVERS! Last weekend N went off to a sleepover birthday party and the mom was like, "Do you want us to drop him off after the movie?" The boy across the street has sleepover birthday parties and N stays until bedtime and then comes home. Sometimes he even goes back for breakfast the next morning.

We have had kids over until 10pm at night watching movies and hanging out. It's actually nice to never have to struggle to get 6 boys to go to sleep. It's nice to put them in the car and take them home or wave from the front porch.

Our boys are starting to fight us on our rule -they want to split hairs and try to get us to let them stay a few select homes where we know the families well, but really, we can't budge - that's a slippery slope to start down. Suddenly, everyone's house will be an exception in their minds.

So, call us crazy, but we just can't imagine our kids sleeping anywhere but our house or their grandparent's house. I sleep better at night knowing my kids are safe in their beds and not out running around the neighborhood, smoking their first cigarette or crying themselves to sleep because this really wasn't as good of an idea as they thought it was.

I'm not saying that if you let your kids do sleepovers that you're a bad parent - I'm just saying that for us, this makes sense. Everyone has to decide what's best for their family.

Family By Phone

2008-10-11T21:45:00.000-07:00

Mark was in Chicago last week. He travels quite a bit - which is a bit of a problem when you're the Bishop. But, he's not the worst. His brother who just passed away lived in a ward in Florida where the Bishop was a SNOW BIRD! He was literally gone all summer to his home in Utah. I don't know how that worked - they must have been really hard up for a Bishop!

But, I digress...

Anyway, most nights he will call at 9pm and I put him on speaker phone and we have family prayer together. It's become our habit or tradition. Even when we can't be together, we can still have family prayer together. Sometimes he even calls in early to read the scriptures.

Our hope is that when the boys remember that dad was traveling quite a bit when they were young, that they will also remember he prioritized praying together as a family.

I found the video!

2008-10-08T07:32:00.000-07:00

In THIS previous post, I was wanting to find a video from seminary. Well, when we were in Utah, I went to the church's distribution center and their "video expert" listened to my description of it and said, "Oh, The Body is a Temple from the New Testament Video Presentations!".

And darn it all if he wasn't right...

Yay, Video Expert Guy!! Thanks!

BTW - that video has some GREAT clips on it. The boys loved "The Whole Armor of God". You just have to get past the 1980's look - big hair and preppy clothes. Did we REALLY look that way???

There's Disco in Vernal

2008-10-06T07:06:00.000-07:00

We spent last week in Utah making arrangements for and attending Mark's brother's funeral. It was a wonderful celebration of his life.

We had a nice time visiting with all of Mark's siblings - including his brother who lives in Cambodia.

One of our nephews (who is like 4 years old) is probably going to be the new Weird Al Yankovic. He has some weird ability to connect music to EVERYTHING in his life. He connects it in hysterical ways.

For instance, he got a nose bleed at Stake Conference several months back and when his mother took him to the bathroom to clean him up, he started bellowing, "I KEEP BLEEDING! I KEEP, KEEP BLEEDING LOVE!" (by Leona Lewis). I wish I could remember more of the stories his parents tell us about him and music. Every time they tell us one, I always say, "I hope you're writing these down!"

It should be noted that this family lives in Roosevelt, UT - which isn't too far from Vernal. Well, recently, they were cruising along in the family mini van and this little tot says he wants to go to Vernal to the Disco. And, his father says, "DISCO? How do you even know that word? And why do you say you want to go to Vernal?"

So, the kid broke out into song to explain his desire to go to Vernal to the Disco...

"Burn, baby, burn, there's a Disco in Vernal!"

Now you'll never be able to hear that song again without hearing these lyrics!

When Dad is Bishop

2008-10-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

Last week, N dragged home a bike with one wheel. One of the neighborhood kids had pawned it off on him. He HAD the wheel but it was in his other hand. I spent all week conjuring up some plan to deposit it back into the neighbor's yard under cover of darkness and then hoping that N wouldn't notice it was no longer sitting in our front yard (I'm sure the neighbors love the "garage annex" aka our front yard.)

Today, I noticed that the wheel had somehow gotten back together with the bike. I asked N if he had done it and he said he had, with the help of our neighbor.

That's the tricky part of having your dad as the Bishop. The lawn always grows just a little too high before it gets cut. The toilet leaks just a little longer before it finally gets fixed and the kids' "projects" get put off as long as possible and then one of our boys will go off and ask whoever is outside washing their car to help them. I'm grateful to the few neighborhood dads we have who are willing to dig out the tools and put the pedal back on the bike. They probably think Mark is the biggest slacker in the universe, though - LOL!

You should have seen Mark during Pine Wood Derby season this year. He had TWO to get done in less than 4 weeks. His first counselor also has two cub scouts. I joked that they would be sitting in Bishopric meeting discussing the ward while sanding cars. I know the boys are supposed to do it, but they need supervision and that's what Dads are for. But, when dads are super busy, sometimes it's lucky to get done at all.

I've come to the conclusion that this calling isn't for families who have to have things done YESTERDAY. If I was the kind of wife who was a nagger, it would make Mark's life miserable. Instead, I'm okay with pulling the top off the toilet tank to push the flapper down for the 4th time this week because it doesn't always go down by itself. And, I'm okay with the Christmas stuff not getting dragged from the crawl space until the last minute because of tithing settlement 4 nights a week for the first half of December.

And, the boys seem to be just fine with asking "Neighbor Mike" to help them with their bikes. And we appreciate "Neighbor Mike" being kind enough to help. We pay him in Chocolate Chip cookies on Sunday nights so I think he's happy.

Sports on Sunday - Our Family's View

2008-10-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

It's SOCCER SEASON! I'm really not a "soccer mom" except that I drive them to and from games. I really only pay attention when one of the boys is on the field and I'm not first in line to be "Team Mom". But, both boys love it and it's the only sport besides Karate that we do each year on a regular basis.

This coming weekend, D has a game on Sunday. Whenever we fill out our soccer registration, we always put in the comments box, "Will not play on Sunday". That doesn't mean that none of the games will be on Sunday, that just means that we are giving the coach advance notice. So far, we've had only a few games be on Sunday. I think when they see that, they try to limit the number of Sunday games for that team. I know it's a pain in the neck for the scheduler's but I appreciate the effort.

So, here comes our Sunday game. I told D's coach and his usual response is, "Why?" accompanied by a look of total confusion. When we try to explain, we get a "But if it's not during church then you can come?" Finally, we just tell him that the whole day is for church activities and not sports. He still never gets it after 3 years.

It IS really hard to explain, but, honestly, I don't feel like I need to explain it to anyone. We don't play sports on Sunday - period.

I have always admired athletes who try their hardest to keep the Sabbath Day holy. It's a personal decision - especially when you're a pro-athlete.

A few years ago, there was a BYU student who got drafted by an NFL team and when he said he would't play on Sunday, it was a deal-breaker for him. He went on to become an Elementary School teacher if I remember correctly. I was so proud of him. He gave up millions to make thousands.

Then there was the marathon runner from Alaska who flew all the way to either NYC or Boston to run a marathon only to find out it was run on SUNDAY. Since he was there already he went ahead and ran the full course on Saturday. He missed out on his dream but compromised to keep the Sabbath Day Holy - which was apparently more important.

The Sabbath is Holy at our house. We don't watch regular TV - just BYU TV and videos that keep the spirit of the day. We stay in our church clothes so we can keep the attitude of the Sabbath. Our kids can go outside and sit in the treehouse or on the bench swing to read, but they can't go out and play. And, no home work is allowed at our house on the Sabbath.

The world (and sometimes other members) don't understand our quirky Sunday style, but that's okay. We're doing the best we can to keep that day Holy and set it apart from the other 6 days. Saturday is for sports, Sunday is for the Lord. It's our effort to "Stand a Little Taller" as President Hinckley always advised us to do.

So Glad I Have What I Have

2008-09-30T01:29:00.000-07:00

D went down to the bus stop last week and one of the neighborhood boys a year younger than him was sporting a self-inflicted ear piercing. Of course, instead of being impressed like he hoped I would be, all I could think of to say was, "Dude, that's really red. Does your mom know you did that?"

So, here stands a third grader being all "cool" with his new ear ring. I'm old enough to still believe that earrings are for girls! Even D focused in on the potential infection once I said that. I hoped that it turned something that was supposed to have a high "cool effect" into a "gosh, I hope his ear doesn't fall off" moment.

So, now, guess what we're going to talk about for Family Home Evening next week? We'll be hauling out the New Era and Ensign articles about piercings and tattoos. I'm so very grateful for the words of the prophets and other leaders. Really, it makes my job as a parent easier. Instead of saying, "You're not getting a tattoo or ear ring because I SAID SO!" We can sit down and have a discussion about what's right and how our bodies are sacred temples that should not be defaced.

I can't imagine parenting without a purpose. By that I mean swimming around making arbitrary decisions based on my personal opinion and nothing else. Instead of saying "No" for the sake of saying "no", I can say, "No... and here's why". Then we can talk about what the Lord expects of us and the children have the opportunity to feel the Spirit as they seek confirmation to what we've taught them. They won't always go pray about it because their humanity will try to overcome their spirits. But, they will know what's right and hopefully that will touch them enough to at least bother them a bit if they make the wrong choice.

N used to have a nice CTR ring - which, of course he lost because children eventually lose everything - including their mother's sanity - but, he wore it to school all through the 4th grade. His 4th grade teacher - a single non-LDS 20-something asked him about the ring and said it was COOL! When N explained what it meant, his teacher asked if N could get him one. So, guess what the teacher got at the end of the year?! I'm so glad that we can teach our kids what the RIGHT is in the Choose The Right. This teacher is now with the Peace Corps in China and I hope he's still wearing the ring and choosing the right even though he may not always understand "the right".

Really, the gospel makes your job as a parent much easier. You can turn to heavenly resources to help you teach your children what is right. A great plan.

Good-Bye, Brother...

2008-09-29T14:14:00.000-07:00

Well, the EEG showed no significant brain activity beyond the seizures he's suffering from the brain swelling. So, his son and his brothers and his father will put on their white shirts tonight and give him a blessing that gives him permission to go home to our Father in Heaven. Then his ventilator will be turned off and he'll be made comfortable. We hope he chooses to leave quickly. From what some have felt, he's ready to go now, he just can't get out of his body because of the life support.

I'm grateful for the plan of salvation and the eternal nature of families. I'm also grateful that we have a merciful and loving God who let Dave leave before the ALS robbed him of all his dignity. It's a horrible disease to die from. This was merciful, although still hard.

We'll miss you, Dave.

Blessings Disguised...

2008-09-28T17:03:00.000-07:00

I spoke very briefly here about my BIL who is suffering from ALS. He was able to leave the hospital last Thursday after being there for 6 weeks after he had a feeding tube and ventilator put in. He was looking forward to going home, finally. He was also looking forward to getting married in October.

Well, his first night at home was rough and on Friday morning, he suffered heart failure. He was without a heart beat for too many minutes and when they finally got him back, they were concerned about brain damage.

His body was cooled down to about 87 degrees for 24 hours to try to stop any further damage to his brain. Today, they did some external tests to check for brain activity. Tomorrow they will do an EEG to test for brain wave activity. It's not looking good... He didn't flinch in pain when they poked him and his pupils didn't react when they shined a light into them.

Devestating is the only word I can come up with. This was completely unexpected at ALS does not affect your heart or brain. So, who could have imagined it would be his heart and brain that would be his undoing?

Is this a blessing in disguise? ALS is a long, slow death where your working brain eventually gets trapped inside a body that is unable to even open it's eyelids. Eventually you die of respiratory failure.

But, Dave just laid back and passed out. How simple. Is this a sign from a loving God that Dave had suffered his disease with dignity and faith and Heavenly Father said, "Well, done, my son. Come home to Me. I'm giving you the easy path." His angel mother may have pleaded on his behalf to let him leave the earth swiftly and without further suffering.

We may not know the answer to this in this life. It may not even be the end of his life right now. Further tests need to be done tomorrow. But, if it is his time to go, we must look at the blessing of it all through the tears of grief. The timing was not right for our earthly desires, but we know that our timing isn't God's timing.

I also have to believe that a loving Heavenly Father will not leave his dear, sweet Fiancee without the blessings of being with him eternally should she choose that. God loves us and does not punish us for righteous desires. It doesn't make it any easier right now. But thankfully we can look at it - eventually - with eternal eyes.

What Ere' Thou Art {Look} Well Thy Part

2008-09-28T01:55:00.000-07:00

I have always loved the "What Ere Thou Art, Act Well Thy Part" that President Kimball used to talk about. It was something he saw on his mission in Great Britain and it had a profound effect on his life.

I'm altering it a little to say "What Ere Thou Art, LOOK Well Thy Part" because I have known way too many kids who looked one way and acted another. Most of the time, it was a disservice to themselves but they didn't realize it.

Many years ago when we were newlyweds, Mark was the Young Men's president in our ward. There was a young man in the ward who was probably the NICEST boy you'd ever meet. He was polite and respectful and interacted well with adults. I used to tell Mark that I hoped our children (when we had them) would grow up to be like this young man. Even though there was more than 10 years between he and Mark, he ended up becoming a treasured friend that we still run into occasionally.

This young man did not look well his part, though. Despite his wonderful demeanor and personality, he looked like someone who had just come down from the mountains. Sometimes it bordered on the "UnaBomber" look - long scraggly hair, grungy clothes and a scrubby beard. People immediately judged him to be a no-respect loser. I used to think, "B, you aren't doing yourself any favors with that look!" You might say, "Well, people shouldn't judge." But honestly, we make judgments every day. This young man looked like he should be holding a sign begging on the side of the road more than he looked like the nice young man he was. If I didn't know him, what WAS I supposed to think about him???

I see the same thing with young women - nice girls who don't dress like nice girls. Why would you want someone to think you're not a nice girl? People make judgments about who you are by how you're dressed - PERIOD. That will never change no matter how hard we wish it would.

Honestly, I'll admit, I'm ULTRA bugged by the LDS "stars" (especially the dancing ones) who wear not a single stitch of clothes more than the the other non-LDS girls. Seriously, how hard is it to make at least an attempt at covering your private parts?? You don't have to dress like an Amish woman, but you could easily say, "Hey, I'd like to have that neckline a little higher, please." I have the utmost respect for Charlene Wells and the other pageant girls who have worn 1 piece suits and gowns with sleeves and backs despite the pressure to do otherwise.

As for me - I want people to notice that I dress nicely BUT that I also cover those things which should be covered. I buy my sleeves just a little longer. I make sure I find white blouses that don't reveal everything under them and I make sure that when I sit down, that I don't have to fight my skirt or shorts to keep everything under wraps. It's really not that hard to do. How I look should match my attitude and belief system. I am grateful for a mother who taught me that from the time I was small. I have always tried to "Look Well My Part" and will teach our boys to do the same.

Attention Utah Drivers...

2008-09-24T08:28:00.000-07:00

That sign on the side of the freeway with the big numbers on it is informing you of a SPEED LIMIT. Let's define the word LIMIT... generally, it means that that's the MOST you can have or do. So, if the speed LIMIT sign has a big 6 and 5 on it, the law is saying that the FASTEST you can drive is 65 mph.

I just returned from a week in the lovely state of Utah and I followed my future sister-in-law from Salt Lake City to Roy one evening. She finally called me on my cell phone and said, "I don't see you. Where are you?" I told her I was trying to strike a balance between keeping up with her and following the law (my NORMAL state of driving). So, while she was careening down the road at warp speed, I was plugging along uncomfortably at about 70 mph with the voices of my kids (who weren't with me) in me head echoing their normal , "Mommy, how fast are you going?" She said, "Okay, you pass me and we'll go your speed. I'll try not to tail-gate you."

What is it with Utahns and speed? Seriously, there are laws people and we should be following them. Read the 12th Article of Faith if you need a little reminder. Slow down... but not as much as my father-in-law who has (and I'm not kidding) been pulled over TWICE on I-15 for driving TOO SLOW. Go figure - they'll stop the slow ones. Maybe the cops can't catch the rest.

Even one of my Utah brother-in-laws mentioned that he found it refreshing when they came to visit us this summer that people weren't speeding like crazy through Seattle. I said, "We have cops who know how to stop people - and they do."

The Gassy Elephant and the Dying Cat

2008-09-22T03:18:00.000-07:00

So, N started middle school this year and that means BAND! He has taken piano since he was 6 and we swapped piano lessons for 6th grade band this year. So, after three days of "evaluation", the band teacher recommended he play one of three instruments - Trombone, French Horn and TUBA! So, guess which one my smallish child selected? Why, the one most impossible for him to carry - THE TUBA! I figure the band teacher has it out for me - even though he doesn't know me. He happily sent a tuba home for the family to enjoy.

So, the day he brought it home, his friend across the street also brought home his instrument of choice - the clarinet. They went out in the front yard and gave the neighborhood a concert - the best concert a couple of 6th grade boys with all of three days of band class under their belts could give. And, it was a perfect interpretation of a very gassy elephant a cat dying a horrible death.

Tell me it can only get better...

SISSSSSTERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-20T02:39:00.000-07:00

In August we spent the week at Cub Scout Day Camp. I volunteered for a couple of days. There were 150 cubs there and probably only a handful of them were LDS.

Being the Bishop's Wife (my label), all the little scouts would greet me each day - sometimes from across the field I would hear, "HI SISTER G!!!!" It reminded me of being in downtown Seattle with Young Women several years ago. They were all strung out behind me and when I would get too far ahead or one of them wanted to stop and look, they would yell, "SISTER G!!!!!!!". I wondered how many people around me were thinking, "Huh. She doesn't look like a nun."

The whole "Brother" and "Sister" thing baffles outsiders at times. It's so natural to us. My kids sometimes have trouble when they know a school teacher is LDS - they don't know how to address them because their natural inclination is to call them "Brother Jones" or "Sister Smith" not "Mister Jones" and "Mrs Smith".

Then there's the whole "what do you call your Bishop when you're hanging out with him" thing. That's always sort of humorous to listen to how people handle it. "Mark. Uh, Bishop. Uhhhh, Mark?" But that's a whole different topic...

Chaity Never Faileth

2008-09-18T14:18:00.000-07:00

We have had more than our share of mishaps and illness in our ward this summer. We have one sister who was in a head-on freeway collision (with a drunk 17 year old girl) and has been in the hospital since August. We had one sister with MS fall and break her hip. Another who suffers from chronic illness ended up in the hospital with cellulitis. And another who just finished up chemo from a double mastectomy.

Our poor (and totally awesome) Compassionate Service leader has been run ragged. Last Sunday she was chasing down helpers for 4 different lists for food and visits. The other women in our ward have stepped up and been totally AWESOME! The visiting teachers for these sisters in need have been too!

Last Sunday, our Relief Society lesson was on Unity and I will say that nothing creates unity more than the need for charity. When Mark was in the hospital last year with Encephalomyelitis, several people commented that his illness really brought the ward together. We were served in amazing and humbling ways over that three month period from the simplest prayer to the brother who came every Saturday until late Fall to mow our lawn to the youth who came and cleaned up our yard for the winter. Everyone was looking to help.

There is nothing so nourishing to the soul as to serve one another. I am so grateful that service is a big part of the LDS culture. If there were more people in the world who served those around them, the world would be a much better place.

Who Knew He had a Phone...

2008-09-15T07:42:00.000-07:00

Seriously, when I got home from Soccer tonight, there was a voice mail message from... Joseph Smith!

Mark used to be the Transient Bishop last year and the calls sometimes still come in because people don't realize it changed in January. Apparently, Joseph Smith needs some help and someone told him that Mark was the transient bishop.

His parents must have had a sense of humor. Or, they weren't members of the church and didn't know that Joseph together with Smith would make Latter-Day Saints with caller ID giggle.

9/11

2008-09-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

At bedtime last night, D asked me, "Tomorrow is a sad day. What happened on September 11". I then spent some time telling the kids about what happened on 9/11/2001. They were 2 1/2 and 4 on that awful morning. They didn't know what was going on that day, except that I sat on the couch in a puddle of tears glued to the TV all day. I was careful to not let them watch much of the horror.

Those images are seared into my head. I will never forget that horrible, awful, sickening scene. I got up after Mark called me on his way to work in downtown Seattle. I got up, turned on the TV and then called him back, begging him to come home immediately. He worked in a taller building downtown and my fear was that there were dozens of planes in the air ready to start hitting tall buildings in major cities across America right at rush-hour. He said he was already on his way that pretty much all of the freeway was slowly reversing itself as people got word of what was going on and either decided to not continue into work, or their place of work shut down for the day due to safety concerns. All the tall buildings in downtown Seattle were shut down.

One horrid image in my head is one of a man who jumped in desperation. The news show I was watching caught him on a close-up and followed him for several seconds as he fell. I was sickened as I realized that his loved-ones might be watching the same thing. According to some reports, hundreds did the same and jumped to their death.

I hope every American wakes up this morning with remembrance. Not just sadness but anger and the resolve to never let this happen again. I also hope it compels people to register to vote today and then use their vote to elect good men and women who will always protect and defend America in any way necessary so that no other generation will have to suffer such a horrific event again.

God Bless America and God Bless those families whose lives were changed forever 7 years ago.

The Sacrament Meeting Battle

2008-09-10T08:10:00.000-07:00

I sit and watch all the young parents struggle with their little ones during sacrament meeting. I feel for them. I remember those days. Only, much of the time, I was alone because Mark was either in a Bishopric, a Bishop or on the High Council. I think many of our past wards thought I was a single mother.

The kids that get me, though, are the ones who SMILE while their parents cart them out of the chapel. They are still yelling to make sure they get taken out, but I see that little smirk on their faces. I can't help but wonder if they are going off to be disciplined or off to "hall play land". I think I know the answer by the look on their faces. It's amazing that a 2 year old is THAT smart and will actually SMILE while he's screaming on his way out.

But, then there's the kid who went up the aisle a few weeks ago with his dad holding his left hand and his right hand over his bum saying, "no spanks!" It's not often I get a good giggle on High Council Sunday.

If you're one of those struggling young parents, I will say to you that it gets better. When my kids hit about 5 or 6, they suddenly stopped having a pew riot every Sunday. We still had our moments, but I had pretty much won the war.

We made it AWFUL to go to the hall. I mean, AWFUL!!!! Our first line of defense was into the hall and onto our laps. No talking. No reading books. No playing games. They sat on our laps and did NOTHING. If that didn't work (usually because there is a party going on out there), station number two was into an empty classroom on our laps in the same position.

And, if THAT didn't work, we pulled out the BIG GUN! THE CAR SEAT!!! We headed to the car and strapped them in. Usually, that started a melt-down. Well, I don't want to listen to it, so I would stand outside the car with my back to the window enjoying the gentle (HA!) rocking motion caused by the melt-down going on in the car.

Every minute or so, I'd open the door and say, "Are you ready to go back in?" If I got an escalation of the melt-down, I'd just shut the door and turn around again. After a couple of rounds, I would get a sniffling and gasping, "yes".

The bishopric of one ward we were in would snicker when they saw us leave, car keys in hand. They knew what was coming and in a twisted way, it amused them!

As they got older and too big for the car-seat trick, I borrowed a trick from a friend. I take them to an empty classroom or end of the hall (down by your bishop's office is pretty quiet) and I set them on a chair facing the wall. If they are really in hot water, I have been known to make them put their forehead against the wall. Talk about BORING! I mean, their "I Spy a Nephite" book is in the chapel and they are on the hall staring at the wall - a point I usually try to make to them.

So, my tip for you is to be firm, be boring as all get-out in the hall, and be aware that your little darling might be screaming 15 times in an hour in Sacrament meeting because he knows it's better on the other side... Your job is to make sure that when you go through those chapel doors, that it's the worst place they could possibly be.

NEVER Pray for Patience

2008-09-07T07:50:00.000-07:00

I'm a firm believe in never praying for patience. I learned the hard way that Heavenly Father has a sense of humor...

Case in point; a few days ago, in our prayer, Mark prayed that I might have patience the next day. Oh, one would think that they next day would be a breeze - me being blessed with patience and all. But, noooooooooooo!!! That's not what happened. And, at the end of that day, I told Mark I would poke my finger in his eye socket DURING the prayer if he EVER did that to me again.

So, what happened that day to try my patience? Well, it was what I call "Tune-up Tuesday". N and D had their annual physicals in the morning and then eye doctor appointments in the afternoon. It was a "getting ready for school" kind of thing.

So, we're at the doctor and everything is going along just fine until the nurse blurts out, "So, I see that they both need their Chicken Pox boosters and their Hep B immunizations. Do you want to go ahead and get those today?" Oh, no, don't make it sound like an option, lady!!!! Under my breath I whispered, "yes", hoping the children hadn't heard a word she said.

Too late! The minute she left the room, N, who is old enough to suck it up and take his shots like a man, started SCREAMING at me hysterically. Here we are sitting in room with the door closed and my child is screaming, "PLEASE MOM, NO!" over and over and over - I can't imagine what everyone in the hall is thinking. In between he's doing what we call his "Moo-cry" where he literally sounds like a distressed moo-ing cow. Oh, and on top of that, just for good measure, he stiffens his limbs out at the top of the cry and jerks his body causing the table he's sitting on to SLAM into the wall. Over and over he's begging me to tell her "Not today". He's willing to make a deal with the Devil if I'll JUST tell her we are going to wait (what, until he's 40?).

So, I'm in his face trying to whisper some reason into his head. I'm telling him he's embarrassing himself and me. He screams, "I DON'T CARE!" I'm telling him he's going to lose Wii for a month and he just jerks and screams louder. It goes on for TWENTY-FIVE MINUTES while we waited for the doctor. Meanwhile, his younger brother is sitting on the other end of the table reading "Green Eggs and Ham" going, "Shots hurt. So what. Whatever..."

The doctor comes in and it CONTINUES all through D's exam. I don't think the doctor could even hear D's heart beat. N is just sitting there blubbering and moo-ing like a dying cow. I was HORRIFIED!

Finally, the doctor gets to him to do his physical and gets him calmed down (give that man a raise!).

Then he says the same nurse who suggested we get the shots is going to come give them and SHE'S GOOD! So, he leaves and she comes in. She swabs off D's arms with alcohol and pops a needle in each arm while he sits on my lap. He was like, "Did you even give them to me?"

Then it's N's turn. The moo-ing starts ramping up again and he starts to go "animal" on me. The begging starts again - I'm the meanest mom in the world because I said, "Yes". He's trying to get out of the room. I get him on my lap and literally hog-tie his arms with my hands. She pops a needle in each arm and he relaxes, jumps off my lap and says, "Hey, you're right, D, that didn't hurt at all"...

If I could have crawled out the window to get to my car, I would have.

Patience! DO NOT EVER PRAY FOR IT and DON'T LET YOUR HUSBAND DO THAT TO YOU! The price of patience is too high. How about we pray I just get through the day unscathed?

2 Fishies and a Castle - A Love Story

2008-09-05T08:10:00.000-07:00

We bought N a fish tank for his birthday a few years ago and immediately killed the fish with Ick. So, I kept making excuses after that as to why it just wasn't the right time to get more fish. The tank essentially sat empty after that until this year. N's teacher wanted a tank in his room and N offered ours. I was thrilled to haul it over to the school where the 5th grade class set it up and filled it with little fish and snails. Well, my evil plan was to GIVE it to the teacher, but he had other plans. He asked N if he wanted to take the fish home with the tank at the end of the school year (drats - foiled!). N has a parakeet he got last year so he decided to let D have the tank with the fish and so I was found carefully wheeling a half-full tank of fish to my van and driving it home the day before school got out this spring.

Well, we had 3 fish and a boat-load of snails. One fish immediately kicked the bucket so I assumed the others would too. But they didn't. And the snails were multiplying at something more than a snail's pace. We had to learn about snail reproduction to answer the question of why more snails kept appearing.

Suddenly, a few weeks ago, the other two fish disappeared. We kept looking for their bodies at the top of the tank. Then I started moving the castle around to see if their bodies were trapped in there. Once in a while they would dart out and swim like crazed, caged beasts before retreating back into the castle. I thought maybe the snails were threatening to beat them up or something as the snails far out-numbered the two small fish.

D was totally distraught that his fish were going to die. It was bizarre that they suddenly wanted to be inside that small red castle night and day.

And then.... one morning I turned on the tank light to look again for the fish and I saw tiny movement in the rocks at the bottom of the tank. Upon further inspection, I saw that it was tiny little fish. Suddenly, I started seeing movement everywhere. And then I understood! The fish were on their Honeymoon in the big red castle. How romantic.... Now, D is the proud new grandpa of about 2 dozen little fishies. He couldn't be happier.

We always have "THE TALK" with our kids when they turn 8 and the fish family gave us another opportunity to talk about that again. I'm not sure HOW the baby fishies happened (especially since these were two different types of fish) , but we had to explain a LITTLE bit about it. Of course it started out with "a girl fish and a boy fish fell in love and got married..."

We assume one of the snails officiated...

Great Parenting Advice

2008-09-01T04:38:00.000-07:00

LINK

I feel strongly that consistent rule enforcement and discipline coupled with teaching gospel principles FROM BIRTH gives you the best chance of success as a parent. The older my boys get, the less I have to get on them for things. They are STILL boys (body noises and all), but, they are making good choices with their friends and activities. I hope this will continue and that we have laid a good foundation for them.

Whey our oldest was born, I had an overwhelming sense of "hurry". I only had EIGHT SHORT YEARS to prepare him to be accountable for his own actions. That frightened me. How do you shape a child of God in EIGHT YEARS? If he fails, then we failed. Yes, he has his agency, but I hope both of them will use their agency appropriately as they grow.

Someone in a past ward once mocked me because we had family scripture study every night with our infant son. She implied we were wasting our time. I didn't think so. And, any parent who's tried to have FHE with a 2 year old knows that it's often more frustration than anything else. But, our kids don't remember a time when we DIDN'T do those things. And, I have to believe that our infant sons understood the words we read to them. Afterall, they were so fresh from heaven... They probably understood them better than we did.

Of course, my parenting theory will be most likely heavily tested in the coming years as our sons become teenagers. I know it won't be without bumps, but I hope the bumps are smaller because we thought forward in our parenting and tried to prepare them from birth withstand the world.

We'll be watching anxiously.

The Iwon Wad...

2008-08-30T03:46:00.000-07:00

Years ago when we were first married, there was a family in our ward with three little boys. It's a wonder those boys actually grew up - they spent their days trying to figure out how to kill one another. For example, the family was remodeling their old home and the dad had cut a big hole in the floor in the living room to access the crawl space. So, the oldest two put the toddler on a TV cart with wheels and wheeled him across the room into the hole where he plunged down into the crawl space and broke his leg. When asked why they did it, they said, "We wanted to know if the TV cart would fit in the hole." Okay, fine, but did you need to see if your brother would fit, too?

Anyway, I digress. One of the boys had a rather pronounced speech impediment. Mark had the same one when he was small. It was the dreaded "Elmer Fudd" pwoblem. He couldn't say his "R's". And, if you'd like to read this blog entry in "Elmer Fudd-Speak" just for fun, you can translate it HERE. Just pull down Elmer Fudd and put the domain of this blog in the box.

Again, I digress. Really, I have a point - and a spiritual thought, so stay with me! One Sunday, we were sitting in front of this family and the closing song was "The Iron Rod". The son with the speech problem was BELTING it out like Ethel Merman. Only it was coming out like this:

"Hold to the wod, the iwon wod
it's stwong and bwight and twue
The iwon wod is the wooowd of God
Twill safewy guide us thwooo!"

We got the giggles and could hardly finish singing. To this day, we can hardly sing that song without thinking of this little boy. He's like 24 now and I assume, like Mark, he is good with the R sound now.

So, a few months ago, at a stake meeting, our wonderful stake president decided to talk about that 1 Nephi Chapter 8 - Lehi's Dream. I am still thinking about his words - they made a profound impression on me.

There are three groups in the dream -

Those who held to the rod until the mist of darkness came. Then they fell away and were lost - they let go willingly. They never even got to the tree of life to taste the fruit.
Those who held to the rod until the mist of darkness came and then they pressed on CLINGING to the rod. They then partook of the fruit but then looked around ashamedly, as if they didn't REALLY believe in what was happening. Then, when others mocked them for doing that, they ditched it all and ran.
Those who held to the rod DESPITE the fact that people made fun of them for doing so. They just carried on and ignored the mockers and pointers - "they heeded them not". They just grabbed hold and kept going.

The group he talked most about was group 2. He said that those people were fine until they faced opposition in the mist of darkness. Then, they had to CLING to the rod. They could no longer merely hold on. They held on for dear life.

Think of someone CLINGING to a rope or ledge. The mental picture of CLINGING is someone desperately trying not to lose hold. Or, you cling to something because you are unsure of the path you are taking. He said you would think that by CLINGING to the rod that that group had the surest grip on it, but they were actually the weakest of those still holding to the rod. They were fragile and knew that if they didn't cling, they would let go.

Look what happened, they made it only to be ashamed and embarrassed to even be associated with the group of fruit eaters. Then, when times got tough and the others made fun of them for being with the fruit eaters, they bolted. "Hey, dude, what a LOSER. Nobody wants to hang out with a FRUIT EATER!"

For some reason, I had never thought about that middle group. I, probably along with most others, assumed that their clinging didn't really mean much except they were just trying really hard to get through the mist of darkness.

So, what areas do I "cling"? It has caused me reflect a lot on times when I cling and times when I just hold steady. Our testimonies are fragile things - especially in this world where us "fruit eaters" look like freaks at times to those in the great and spacious building. I see people around me clinging and some of them are holding on by their fingernails. My prayer is that I can help them lesson their grip but keep it strong that they will be happy to be known as a "Fruit Eater" when the world mocks them for it.

This Ain't Your Momma's Relief Society President!

2008-08-28T06:06:00.000-07:00

Our Relief Society President ROCKS! Actually, she ROLLS, too! She is a petite Harley Ridin' Momma and it cracks me up! Who says women in the church have to be prim and proper?

I hear rumors that our Primary President loves a good ride on her husband's Harley, too. Now, if the Bishop could just convince HIS wife that he needs a bike (um, over somebody's dead body and it won't be mine), all those nasty parking problems at our church building would be alleviated (he's a giver...).

She's got a pretty important career and shows up professionally dressed to RS on Sundays. But on Saturdays, she's all about leather and doo-rags.

It's like some {not so} secret life. Ride on, Sister P!!!!

Actually, her husband (and my photo partner in crime) sent me an article yesterday about Harley Ridin' Mormons who rumble up to the temple on their bikes: LINK. I asked him if they were going to join the gang, but he said his rebel days are behind him. :-)

He Ain't Heavy...

2008-08-26T22:45:00.000-07:00

Mark's oldest brother is battling ALS right now and his family is rallying around offering their time and resources to make his life comfortable. Tomorrow, he flies via air ambulance from Florida, where he was living, to Utah where he can be surrounded by family. Many scriptures come to mind about family and charity and love. But, this song says it all. He's my brother...

We love you, Dave!

Mormon Foodies

2008-08-25T05:40:00.000-07:00

My husband was down in Florida visiting his brother last month and his sister happened to be there also. She made spaghetti one night and she commented that she made it all the time at home. Mark said, "We almost never have spaghetti". His sister was surprised that we didn't eat spaghetti so she asked him what we DID eat. He couldn't really think of anything off-hand but he finally said, "I dunno, we eat a ton of different things - probably not really normal stuff."

So, tonight, as we sat down to Vietnamese Fresh Spring Rolls with Thai Sweet Chili Sauce (which my small town Utah man loves), he was like, "Oh yeah, I should have told her we eat these a lot."

The older I get, the more of a foodie I become. Tacos, Spaghetti and anything in a casserole are rarely on my menu. You're more likely to find Jasmine Rice, Fajitas and Gnocchi. I rarely use vegetable oil anymore - I'm more likely to pour a fine grade olive oil in my pans when I cook.

A few of the things I make are:

Baklava (you'd be surprised at how easy it is)
Gyros
German food (I love my version of Red Cabbage with Turkey Kielbasa)
Philly Cheesesteaks
Thai Noodle Salad
Fajitas
Danish food
Panzanella (an Italian bread salad)
Crepes
Pesto
Fresh salsa
Couscous with roasted veggies
Roasted Vegetable pasta sauce

The only really traditional thing I make on a regular basis is Funeral Potatoes with Ham in them. That's comfort food - potatoes and cheese and sour cream and ham! But, most of the time, I find something adventurous for dinner! I use my crock pot a LOT but even then, it's usually for unusual dishes like ham and cabbage.

N doesn't always mind it - he discovered California Rolls and loves them. But D HATES it. He needs a complete breakdown of every ingredient in any dish especially if there's anything remotely green in it.

Sometimes it's hard to take something to a ward potluck because I don't cook like everyone else. Sometimes I just go ahead and take the Thai Jasmine Rice Salad with Mint in an unmarked bowl and then keep my head down until people start complimenting it.

I think we are a culture of casseroles at times. Don't get me wrong- some of my VERY FAVORITE cook books are those from ward Relief Societies - that's comfort food at it's finest and those recipes have been handed down forever. But, I grew up in a "comfort food" home and Mark grew up in a poor home so we both ate a TON of noodles with some sort of saucy stuff over them.

Also, the older I get, the more my stomach rejects a lot of heavy food - so more often than not, I find myself using a lot of vegetables and light sauces. Now, if that would just translate into weight loss, all would be right with the universe. Like I said, I'm a foodie and that means a LOVE food. And therein lies the problem...

Movies

2008-08-22T15:38:00.000-07:00

Probably 18 years ago, I heard a story - I think it was in the New Era - about movies (and really all media) that has become the "standard" at our house. It's a story about "One Bad Part". Have you ever watched (or read) something with just "one bad part"? Have you ever described a movie or book to a friend and said, "There's only one bad part in it"? I have done that countless times.

The story goes like this...

A father was weary of his teens always trying to get him to let them see something by saying, "But Dad, it's only got ONE BAD PART!" So, he decided to give them a very graphic example of this. One night for FHE (Family Home Evening), he told the kids he was going to make his special EXTRA THICK Milkshakes for dessert. At our house, it would be like Mark telling the kids he was going to make his Chocolate Chip Cookies (he makes the BEST ones ever!). The kids were excited for this treat. So, after the lesson, they all crowded in the kitchen to wait for Dad's yummy shakes. He made them extra thick with extra good ingredients. He got the first batch all done in the blender and then turned to his children and said, "I have a REALLY special ingredient tonight for these shakes!" Then, he unfolded a napkin on the counter, pulled out a dead fly and dropped it in the blender. Then he blended the shake one more time before pulling out the glasses and pouring it. Of course his kids thought he was nuts and there was NO WAY they were going to drink the shake with a dead fly mixed in it.

Guess what he said to them... "But kids, I don't know what you're so upset about. There's just ONE BAD PART. The rest is good!" Priceless...

A video from seminary comes to mind, too. I love it and really should try to track down a copy of it. It's got a young women all in white (pants and shirt) living in a completely white home - white couch, carpet, etc). Someone stops by who looks "shady" and at first, she refuses to let him in. But he convinces her to finally. He comes in and sits down and immediately, you see he has tracked footprints on the carpet. Then his briefcase starts to ooze black. Pretty soon, she and her home are covered with dirt. It's a great visual about being careful what you let in your home.

So, what do WE do at our house when it comes to movies? Mark and I don't watch anything we wouldn't let our kids watch. Not that they would WANT to watch it, but we keep it clean. Your kids get a mixed message when you say things like "it's a movie for grown-ups", or "it's not appropriate for children". N is too smart for that - he will immediately say, "Then why are YOU watching it if it's not good?"

One thing we have found and LOVE is Clearplay! The Clearplay DVD player filters movies! We don't use it to watch R-rated movies - we don't even use it to watch many PG-13 movies, but it takes anything out of the PG movies that we don't want to see. For instance, "ET" is great - except for "one bad part". With Clearplay - it's GONE! You hardly notice. Either the scene gets deleted or the movie goes mute for a second. Our kids know that if we won't let them see a movie in the theater because we are uncomfortable with the content, that they usually will be able to see it using the Clearplay later. And, when we bring a DVD home from the video store, they always ask, "Is there a filter for this?"

Like the music, I would LOVE to believe that our boys will always refuse to go to an R-rated movie with friends. But, I'm not sure they always will say, "Nope" when asked by friends. But, for now, they have a solid foundation on at least what our expectations are. And, when the come out of that movie that they know they weren't supposed to go to in the first place, I hope they will feel a little like the woman in the white house who opened her pure, clean self to filth.

Music

2008-08-20T03:14:00.000-07:00

My husband and I both have iPods. Our sons LOVE to listen to our iPods. Consequently, we make sure the music ON the iPods is squeaky clean. It would normally be anyway, but I had to remove one song that contained another word for a "donkey's behind" in it. Basically, the rule at our house is that if the kids can't watch or listen, neither can the adults. In our view, the standards apply to US as well as the kids.

My husband grew up listening to the usual stuff - the '80's heavy metal (he finally admitted to owning an Air Supply tape, though!). The most we have around our house now is Journey. He put that aside a long, long time ago - well before we had children. The kids don't know that dad ever was an AC/DC fan.

As our sons grow, I have already practiced hollering up the stairs, "TURN THAT MUSIC DOWN!!!!" D loves it LOUD - and he's not even 10 yet. If he's going to like it loud, I hope it's at least good.

Here's what our boys LOVE to listen to! Mostly because this is what we've encouraged them to listen to and what we listen to ourselves. We are teaching by example:

Harry Connick, Jr.
ABBA
A LOT of Weird Al (but even then, we are selective - it's not all good.) Their current fave is "White and Nerdy".
Journey
Funky Town (we could get terrorists to confess all sorts of things by subjecting them to the extra long version)
Not Your Mother's LDS Music 2 (Alex Boye' is a true ROCK STAR at our house! Watch for him in the Mo-Tab Choir!)
Janice Kapp Perry "Unplugged" (who says LDS music is stuffy? Rock out to "The Hallow of Thy Hand" in a way you never thought possible - and you'll never hear at a missionary farewell!)
Josh Groban
Jonas Brothers (please don't go "Britney" on us, boys!)
Pretty much anything sung by the High School Musical Cast (You should hear Mark and I annoy them by singing "Soaring" in hideous voices)

My neighbor had Christian Heavy Metal blaring out of her garage the other day. Our boys came home because they didn't like it. Pretty soon I get a phone call assuring me that it was "okay" music because it was "Christian". Ummm, I don't think Jesus would like it even IF it's about him. I don't think people screaming His name over and over to a heavy beat is showing reverence. She said she bought it when she had her foster son. The boy's mother was sending him nasty music so she bought this as an alternative. I wondered why she just didn't say, "We don't listen to that type of music at our house." She missed a great teaching opportunity for a child who hasn't had anyone to teach him about standards.

At our house, the music and the feeling you get from it is as important as the lyrics. We talk often about how certain music makes you "feel" and our boys are great at identifying the "yucky stuff".

I'm not naive enough to think our kids will choose ABBA over some of the more current bands forever. But, what I hope is that they have learned enough about music to at least make some good choices in the future - that they will enjoy music and not just stuff their brains with any garbage their friends tell them to.

Swearing...

2008-08-17T04:52:00.000-07:00

It's everywhere. My kids started to have to deal with it in about first grade when ANOTHER first grader on the bus used the Queen Mother of All Swear Words. How does a 6 year old pick up that word unless it's liberally used at home? And why would a parent use that word at all, let alone in front of their kids. I was walking through Target one day and a man was on his cell phone dropping the "S" word over and over and over while his 9 month old (looked about that old) daughter sat in the cart. I thought, "Wow, I bet that will be her first word!"

My boys are FANTASTIC Swear Busters! We are so proud of them. How many adults would be this bold? My husband is and I guess that while that 6 year old was learning the F (dash, dash, dash) word at HIS house, my boys were learning to "stand for truth and righteousness" at ours.

So, a few weeks ago, some new boys moved into the neighborhood. They have the "skateborder dude" look - long hair, baggy pants, stocking cap, etc. They decided to impress all the other "kids in the 'hood" with their exceptional knowledge of a variety of profane words.

About 15 minutes after meeting them, my boys came in the house. I asked them what they were doing and they said, "We met some new kids and thought they were REALLY nice, but all they do is swear so we told them we didn't want to play with them and came in." So, we had a little talk about what they COULD do instead of just running in the house. I suggested that they go back out and tell them that they needed to stop swearing if they wanted to play. So, guess what they did? They went back out and did just that.

The new boys, while not totally "angelic" in their behavior since then, have pretty much cleaned up their "potty mouths" for the most part. And, when they DO slip, they apologize to my boys.

Everyone in our neighborhood knows that the rule at our house is that if you swear, you go home. I usually warn them once but the second time, they're out the door. I know it annoys some mothers. But, then, they don't stop their kids from coming back the next day.

It's amazing how mindlessly people spew profanity most of the time. But, it's also amazing at how they at least attempt to clean up their act when asked to please not do it in your presence.

Try it sometime. It works!

Find A Ward!

2008-08-15T04:53:00.000-07:00

We received a call yesterday from someone who bought a house in our area and THOUGHT they might be in our ward. Our ward is confusing because it's named after a city, yet, most of our ward doesn't live in that city. So, anyone with an address in that city thinks they belong in our ward. It causes a lot of confusion.

After looking the address up, we determined they were in the other ward that meets in our building.

We found out which ward they were in by going to maps.lds.org! It's the best thing EVER! No longer do you have to make calls to find out what ward you're in when you move! You can just type in your address and you get both the wards nearby AND the ward that address is assigned to. And, if there's a foreign language or young single adult ward nearby, you'll get that information, too!

It's great for vacations! We always try to hit a sacrament meeting on vacation and this makes it really easy to find a ward!

I LOVE the church's internet site - LDS.org. There are so many useful tools on there. I just wish more people would use it. Our ward is trying to make our ward website more informational by adding photos of all the families in the ward to the directory and putting news and information there as well as calendar items. Yet, I'm always surprised at the people who say, "I don't even have a log-in". It's easy - you just ask your ward clerk for your membership number and then you can register.

White Shirts and Zipper Ties

2008-08-13T06:44:00.000-07:00

Since my boys have entered nursery at church at 18 months, they have worn a white shirt to church. Sometimes the tie doesn't make it to church with us, but the white shirt always does.

Such a simple thing to do. White shirts are like $8 at Walmart and nice slacks are about $10. It doesn't cost very much, but it make a huge difference in the way they feel about Sunday.

My boys know that Sunday is different - they do different things, they wear different clothes. They also know that white shirts are the "Uniform of the Priesthood" and that dad has never worn any other color to church. I believe it's part of the "train up a child the way he should go..." philosophy. Sunday clothes and activities are different - it's a day of worship and there is something to "Sunday Best" at our house. And, those little zipper ties are WAY COOL!

The Laws of Physics

2008-08-11T11:37:00.000-07:00

Let me preface this by saying that N is a highly capable child. I say this not to brag, but to add insult to injury in the story I'm about to tell.

We have a small trampoline in our back yard (as many LDS families do). Our boys have almost outgrown it but they can jump on it one at a time. D came running in the house one day to tell me that his brother was hurt "really bad". I ran outside (okay, I walked - "really bad" often means nothing) to find N laying on the ground holding his head. Beside him is a rather large flat boulder (not a rock, but a boulder). I said, "What happened?!" Through tears he said, "I was jumping on the trampoline holding the rock over my head and it hit me on the head." It took me a few seconds to compose myself enough to say, "Oh, how bad are you hurt." I'm glad he was still lying on the ground holding his head and couldn't see me struggling not to burst out laughing. When I determined he would live and that the top of his head wasn't as flat as the boulder, I bolted for the back door and burst into laughter the minute I got in the house.

Gravity... it will get you every time.

Later, I let Mark explain how holding a heavy rock over your head while jumping on the trampoline was not a good idea. Isaac Newton would have laughed, too.

The Bishop Isn't Superman

2008-08-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

As the wife of a Bishop, I sometimes find myself wishing that people wouldn't look at him as Superman. He had a conflict this week between two activities. One, was going away to celebrate our anniversary - something we didn't get to do last year because he was extremely ill and in the hospital for 6 weeks. The other was being at the "Bishop's Night" at Girls Camp.

We had it all planned out how we could do BOTH. We chose a place to go away that was within an hour of where Girl's Camp has always been. The day before Girl's Camp started, he found out that it was actually going to be several hours in the other direction this year. The Stake YW's presidency had neglected to tell the Bishop's this in the planning and so they were ALL surprised by this little bit of information.

So, he chose to go with me because of what happened a year ago and the fact that we missed our annual anniversary trip. He arranged for another Bishop (whose ward our youth meet with anyway and who knows our youth well) to take cookies to the girls with his apologies. It was all worked out that the other Bishop would preside over both groups.

And, there was backlash for him not showing up.

I just want to say, your Bishop is not superman. He will not always be able to be at every activity and event. He has a family. He has a job and he has his calling. The calling takes priority most of the time. He's missed school concerts and family outings because of it. He's been called away on a Friday night in the middle of a DVD to counsel with someone. We try very hard to never make him feel guilty about these times. He goes as often as he possibly can. But once in a very tiny while, he lets his family take priority.

Please don't ever fault him for that or complain or gossip about it. He's one man doing the best he can to serve the Lord and his family.

Picking the Hills I Want to Die On

2008-08-06T11:06:00.000-07:00

My oldest son will be entering middle school this year. It's got me a little nervous as he's one of the youngest ones since he started school a year early.

The boy across the street will also be entering middle school and they are friends. I know that 6th grade boys are interesting creatures - the bodily noises make them giggle with delight. They love "fighting games" on the Wii and basically, they'd love to sit on the couch in front of the TV all day. I also notice that they are exploring their own "personal style".

As I see their friends get attitudes, start being rude, singing gross songs and swearing, we start thinking about the "Hill We Want To Die On". Is it hair-length? Is it allowing them to use words like, "Crap"? Is it letting them ride their bikes 3 blocks to a friend's house? Is it letting them see the PG-13 movie because all their friends are going together?

The problem is that any hill you climb, whether you choose to die on it or not as a parent, has a slippery slope down the other side. If we let them grow their hair "just a little" (as opposed to the short missionary hair cuts we have insisted on to this point), do they see a loophole in modesty? If we don't correct them every time they even use the word, "GOSH", do we risk them using the OTHER word with their friends at school? If we just roll our eyes when they sing a gross song or rip a big one, do we risk them becoming crass young men? I see a lot of hills in front of us, but I don't think I'm willing to just shrug my shoulders and say, "Oh, well, I'll save the fight for the important stuff."

Case in point: last month a friend from school had a birthday party where they went to see the new Indiana Jones movie. The mom across the street wasn't overly pleased that her son was going to see the PG-13 movie but she let him go. Her response was, "I wish they WEREN'T going since we don't let J watch PG-13 movies. But, what can you do??" My response was to call the birthday boy's mom and politely explain that my kids are not allowed to watch PG-13 movies but that my son would LOVE to come to the Pizza place after the movie - what time shall I drop him off there? You know what happened? Nothing. There was no mocking cackle on the other end of the phone for me for being so "old-fashioned". There was actually an apology of sorts. She said, "We promised him he could do this for his birthday party before we knew what the movie was rated so I understand. You can drop him off at 6:30". My son was totally fine with it - in fact it was HIS suggestion to just attend the pizza part. None of the other boys made fun of him. He just showed up without explanation and acted interested when they talked about the movie. I was so proud. We had standards and we were consistent and he was fine with that.

Really, I don't have to die on any hill. I just have to teach my kids to stay off of them. It won't always be that easy, but I feel like our son knows what our standards are and as we're faced with challenges from growing boys, we hope that we can continue to be consistent and find creative ways to talk them down from those hills rather than us having to battle our way to the top and perhaps on to the slippery slope down the other side.

Welcome to our crazy life!

2008-07-13T17:50:00.000-07:00

Who are we:

Mark {Bishop}
Kim {Education Counselor in Relief Society}
N {son #1 somewhere just south of a Deacon}
D {son #2 somewhere just north of Baptism}

We live in the Pacific Northwest. Mark is coming up on his second year of being the Bishop of our ward. This is his second stint. The first time he only lasted about 18 months and then we had to move. I tell him that if he leaves before his time is up this time, the Lord will send a whale to get him. So, we're here - as long as the Lord wants us to be. Or, as I told our Stake President (who mentioned casually that there isn't a 5-year time limit anymore and that Mark could be Bishop for YEARS), we're here until he sees me with an ankle tattoo and that's my signal that it's time to release my husband.

This isn't really a "family blog" as much as it is a blog to talk about the challenges of two young sons, a calling in the Relief Society and a Bishop in the house (well, he's not in the house much anymore). It's definitely one of the most challenging places to be in the church, but it also comes with the greatest blessings.

Hopefully this blog will help you understand a little more about being LDS if you're not and a little more about how you can support your Bishop and his family if you are.

Tales From A Bishop's House

We Seek After These Things...

Courageous Parenting

Courageous Parenting

Courageous Parenting

Courageous Parenting

We believe in being honest...

LDS.org - New Era Article - Are Mormons Christians?

The Sacred Grove + Hill Cumorah + Easter Sunday = A Great Spring Break!

Help for Haiti

The Example of Parents

Art that Teaches

Hair Cut Hassles

Al Gore vs. God

L. Tom Perry | For the Strength of the Lord: The Image of the Church | May 01, 2009 | BYU Broadcasting

Silly Soapy Fun on a Sunday Afternoon

CREATE!

Home and Visiting Teaching

Temporal Laws, Celestial Laws and Agency

Have a wonderful Easter

Stepping it up

Self-Reliance

I love this You Tube Channel

Deep Thoughts about Bishoprics

A Thought For Visiting Teaching

Virtue and her sister, Modesty

Enduring to the End

Super Bowl {free} Sunday

Murmuring...

Just One More

Are YOU Prepared?

Acting like Brothers and Sisters

This is what happens...

The Mantle of Leadership

"Change" Someone's Christmas!

Watch a Movie on BYU TV

I *heart* Missionaries

Now she's packing heat...

It's Tithing Settlement time...

Those who protest are ignorant of our history...

It's Party Time

I thought I escaped the drama...

No kidding....

I need an appointment to see the Bishop...

Bishop Napoleon Dynamite

Spreading the Wealth Around

Use It or Lose It

Political Pet Peeves

A Word of Caution over Words

Thirty Hours a Week!

Drive-By Visiting Teaching Interviews

No Sleepover Zone

Family By Phone

I found the video!

There's Disco in Vernal

When Dad is Bishop

Sports on Sunday - Our Family's View

So Glad I Have What I Have

Good-Bye, Brother...

Blessings Disguised...

What Ere' Thou Art {Look} Well Thy Part

Attention Utah Drivers...

The Gassy Elephant and the Dying Cat

SISSSSSTERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chaity Never Faileth

Who Knew He had a Phone...

9/11

The Sacrament Meeting Battle

NEVER Pray for Patience

2 Fishies and a Castle - A Love Story

Great Parenting Advice

The Iwon Wad...

This Ain't Your Momma's Relief Society President!

He Ain't Heavy...

Mormon Foodies

Movies

Music

Swearing...

Find A Ward!

White Shirts and Zipper Ties

I heart Missionaries